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Q. How does appreciating my wife help with marital fidelity and dealing with temptation?

A. I was involved with a men's group where we frequently talked about these issues. Everyone in the group said they faced similar struggles, including an older man named Otto. He, however, also offered some helpful encouragement. "One of the best ways I've learned to combat my mental battles," Otto said, "is simply to concentrate on loving my wife."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Every time you see a woman, or an image comes into your mind, immediately pray, God, I thank You for my wife. Please teach me how to love her just as Christ loved the church. Then act on that love. Think about something you can do for her. Give her a call from your office to tell her you love her. Or plan to take her on a coffee date after dinner. Or write her a love note and leave it where she'll find it during the day.

"Here's the thing," Otto continued. "When you continually do these little things you know you're reflecting God's heart. Even if you don't feel love at the time you're doing them, do them anyway. It's dangerous to rely on your feelings. Many times I do things for my wife not because I feel like it but because it's right. Then, over time, the feelings of love emerge."

Tears welled up in Otto's eyes as he spoke. Haltingly, he added these words:: "Men, today I feel more love for my wife than I could ever have imagined on our wedding day." Recently Otto celebrated his 40th wedding anniversary.

Al Janssen, on the Focus on the Family staff, is author of The Marriage Masterpiece.

Adapted from The Marriage Masterpiece (Tyndale, 2001) by permission.

Prayer for the Week

Dear Father, because we live together every day, it's become easy to take for granted Your gift to me of a life's partner. Help me to suitably treasure her.

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