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Home > Men > The Sensuality Snare > Feel the Pain


Feel the Pain
Theme of the Week: The Sensuality Snare
Gary Thomas
Thursday, March 25, 2004



Key Bible Verse: Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief (James 4:9). Bonus Reading:James 4:7–10

A young seminarian, married just a few years, shared with me his lapse into pornography. He'd developed a habit before marriage, but early on in his marriage he'd avoided this behavior. After a couple of years, however, he again gave in to it. Then he shared his lapse with his wife.

Some counselors say telling your wife is unwise. But keeping it secret from the one who can most help you, may be spiritualized hiding. Does telling yourself you're avoiding burdening her with your struggle allow you to continue looking at pictures of naked women, deceiving yourself with the promise that "this is going to be the last time"?

My friend saw the horror on his wife's face. He experienced her feelings of betrayal, her sense of hurt. His wife's countenance was an invitation to mourn; he accepted. He was covered with shame.

"When I think about pornography," he said, "I think about how much I hurt my wife. I don't want to repeat that." He's conditioned his mind to associate pornography with pain, not pleasure. If spiritual growth is truly a goal in your life, it's okay to make your sins hurt. Distress can be a powerful deterrent.

—Gary Thomas in Authentic Faith

My Response: Could I be open with my wife about this area? What does that tell me?

Thought to Apply: I no longer look solely at a particular sin's allure… . I look at what it cost me, and say, "I never want to go through that again."

—Gary Thomas

Adapted from Authentic Faith (Zondervan, 2002) by permission.


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0Prayer for the Week

Lord, you created me with sexual impulses. To avoid abusing them, I desperately need to submit to Your power.



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