Two False Assumptions
Theme of the Week: Renovate Your Romance
Andy Stanley
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
 1 of 1
Key Bible Verse: Love is patient and kind … Love does not demand its own way (1 Corinthians 13:4-5) Bonus Reading: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
#1: Husbands have been given the responsibility of fixing their wives. That's what the man I was counseling actually believed. Since he believed that was true, he acted on it—which only made the problems worse. The truth is, God hasn't called men to fix their wives. He's commanded us to love them.
The interesting thing is that this man could quote the verse about husbands loving their wives. He just wasn't operating from it. He said he'd tried loving her. "I've tried being nice and sweet and patient, and nothing changed." This brought another false assumption to the surface.
#2: Love is a tool, and if it doesn't get the job done, it's okay to use another tool. He tried loving her to get her to change. And when it didn't get the job done, he put down that tool and picked up another. But love isn't a means to an end. Manipulation is a means to an end. And when love is used as manipulation, it isn't love.
When being sweet didn't work, this man tried the opposite approach. He gave his wife a taste of her own medicine. He tried nagging and arguing and demanding his rights. He tried the silent treatment. [continued 2/17]
—Andy Stanley in Louder than Words
My Response: The marriage partner I need to focus on fixing is …
Thought to Apply: Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.>—SøREN KIERKEGAARD (Danish philosopher)
Adapted from Louder than Words (Multnomah, 2004) by permission.
Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine. Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity. 1 of 1
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Lord, give me a resolve to relate to my wife with Your kind of love.
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