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Home > Men > A Relationship Redefined > Softened "Fence Post"


Softened "Fence Post"
Theme of the Week: A Relationship Redefined
Ken Canfield
Friday, December 16, 2005



Key Bible Verse: His father said to him, "Look, dear son, you and I are very close … " (Luke 15:31). Bonus Reading: 1 Thessalonians 3:12

Running a Kansas farm with his parents and six brothers and sisters taught Marvin solid values that would serve him well as a surgeon. But after he left the farm for college, Marvin began to feel an elusive void. It gradually took the shape of a simple sentence he and his father had never spoken to each other: I love you. Marvin knew his father loved him. But his love was understood, not felt. And it was something, like respect, to be earned. As he learned of better, deeper relationships, Marvin longed for more.

On a break from college, Marvin spoke those three words, "I love you," and hugged his father. His father remained silent—cold yet compliant, unsure of what to do with his emotions. "It felt like hugging a fence post," Marvin recalls. But he repeated the scene during the next six months. The response to his words and hugs was always an unbroken silence. But after the tenth time, Marvin's father looked his son in the eyes and said, "Son, I love you, too."

This turning point "opened up unexplored territory in our relationship," Marvin says. Over time, he and his father were able to share heart-to-heart their dreams, failures, and joys.

—Ken Canfield in The Heart of a Father

My Response: What "unexplored territory" do I need to probe with my father?

Thought to Apply: Love cures people—both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.—KARL MENNINGER (psychiatrist)

Adapted from The Heart of a Father (Northfield, 1996) by permission.

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0Prayer for the Week

Lord, I realize that honoring my parents is a part of fully honoring You. Help me to lovingly fulfill this obligation.



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