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Key Bible Verse: If only I had someone who would listen to me and try to see my side! ( Job 31:35). Bonus Reading: 1 Peter 3:7-9

Men communicate to exchange information: Share opinions. Get to the facts. Come to some conclusions. What else is there?

So when a wife comes up and says, "Can we talk?" the husband replies, "What about?" If she responds, "Oh, I don't know. I just need to talk," this throws the average husband's information exchange system totally out of whack. He begins to get uncomfortable and suspicious. She must be setting him up to bawl him out about something.

But when a wife comes to a husband with her problem, she isn't coming because she wants him to solve it. In fact, in many cases she knows exactly what she needs to do. She's coming to share, to feel understood, to communicate at an entirely different level.

I've learned, when Sarah comes to me with a burden, to ask two questions. The first question is, "Am I in trouble?" The answer to this is usually, "No, no, no."

My second question is more important: "Do you need a solution or a listening ear?" Then Sarah can say, and she usually does, "I just need you to listen." So I listen. After Sarah has shared her problem, big or small, she feels better. She goes away feeling understood and loved.

—Emerson Eggerichs in Love & Respect

My Response: An example of a time when my problem-solving mode wouldn't be the best one is …

Thought to Apply: Talking to you is only thinking to myself—made easier. —PEARL CRAIGIE (English novelist)

Adapted from Love & Respect (Integrity, 2004) by permission.

Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine. Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity.

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Prayer for the Week

Lord, I want to move beyond a shallow relationship with both You and the mate You've blessed me with. Please help me in both areas.

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