The Deli Maneuver
Theme of the Week: Attentive Listening
Michael Farris
Thursday, March 9, 2006
 1 of 1
Key Bible Verse: We have spoken honestly with you. Our hearts are open to you (2 Corinthians 6:11).Bonus Reading: 2 Corinthians 6:11-13
Go to any good delicatessen. Order something—let's say a pound of roast beef. After the clerk has sliced, wrapped, weighed, and priced your roast beef, he'll invariably say, "Is there anything else?" That deli survives and profits by making sure you've had opportunity to fully express every desire you may have for items in the store.
This "deli maneuver" is the most important listening skill a father can learn. A daughter needs to be able to fully express herself before you start dispensing information to her. Listen fully. And learn to ask, "Is there anything else?" It may be hard to patiently listen to the very end of your daughter's willingness to chat. But try to be as much like a talk show host ("tell me why you feel that way") and as little like a police detective ("just the facts, ma'am") as possible. If you give only the shortest answer possible, you'll frustrate your daughter's unspoken and perhaps unconscious desire to use this conversation to build a relationship with you.
If you hear your daughter talk about her feelings, respond in kind. Tell her how you feel about things. She wants to know what's in your heart, not just what facts you have in your head.
—Michael Farris in What a Daughter Needs from Her Dad
My Response: Is how I listen and respond to my children cementing our relationship?
Thought to Apply: In good conversation parties don't speak to the words, but to the meanings of each other.—RALPH WALDO EMERSON (essayist & poet)
Adapted from What a Daughter Needs from Her Dad (Bethany, 1996, 2004) by permission.
Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine.Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity. 1 of 1
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Lord, help me cultivate inner silence to hear Your voice—and what others are trying to tell me.
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