The Clincher
Theme of the Week: Play Up the Positive
Phil Downer
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
 1 of 1
Key Bible Verse: Fathers, do not aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying (Colossians 3:21). Bonus Reading: Lamentations 3:22-33
When Paul was about ten, I asked him to tell me what he felt were his needs. After some hesitation, he said, "Well, I really feel like I need your acceptance."
"You have it, Son" I replied. "I really appreciate you. I involve you in stuff. We go out together once a week and talk whenever possible. I tell everybody … "
Suddenly I saw Paul's eyes dropping, signaling that he was backing away. Realizing I'd been defensive, I said, "Wait a minute. I'm sorry. What does acceptance mean to you?"
"Well, Dad," he answered, "when you come down and look at my fort … uh … if you'd say some positive things about it before you start telling me what I could have done better—then I'd feel your acceptance."
Ouch! Why did I always have to show that my way was best? Why was I criticizing my children for their endeavors? What a midcourse correction that conversation triggered. Now the nails could be all bent over and the boards sprouting in a dozen directions—a lawsuit waiting to happen—and all the kids hear from me would be excitement: "Look at all those nails! Boy, they're really holding on to those boards. That's fantastic!"
—Phil Downer in Optimize Your Marriage
My Response: I'll work to balance each criticism with five commendations.
Thought to Apply: Appreciative words are the most powerful force for good on earth!—GEORGE W. CRANE (publisher)
Adapted from Optimize Your Marriage (Christian Publications, 2003) by permission.
Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine. Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity. 1 of 1
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Help me, Father, to make my children feel as loved and accepted by me as I know I am by You.
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