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Key Bible Verse: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed (James 5:16). Bonus Reading: 2 Timothy 2:22

I joined a small group of men who met during the workweek. Brent told us one week that his wife and two girls were doing well, but his job at a market research firm was tenuous.

But fast-forward. Now he's 30 pounds lighter, hair slicked back, glasses shed, living with a woman he met on the internet! Why didn't Brent tell us back then that he found his wife unattractive? Why couldn't he tell us of his budding romance in cyberspace? We couldn't encourage him to love and good deeds because we didn't know his struggles.

After six months, I realized that, like Brent, all the men were "playing" community. Any time one of us would try to speak about life in an honest way, the group would ignore that person. We felt like fools if we brought up a struggle, or even a joy, for that matter. They wanted to display their knowledge and achievements rather than express their doubts, fears, or failures. One guy in the group, Ernie, said it best: "I don't like to do things where I don't look like I have my act together."

I tried to change these superficial relationships to no avail. Eventually I told the group leader that I found participating in the group oppressive and stressful, and bowed out.

— Jim Kallam in Risking Church

My Response: Am I in a group that is trapped in superficial camaraderie?

Thought to Apply: You can never establish a personal relationship without opening up your own heart.—PAUL TOURNIER (Swiss psychologist)

Adapted from Risking Church (WaterBrook, 2003) by permission.

Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine. Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity.

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Prayer for the Week

Lord, help me connect honestly with other men, men who share my desire to take being Your disciple to a new level.

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