The Feeling Factor
Theme of the Week: Really Listen to Your Children
Thursday, July 9, 2009
 1 of 1
Key Bible Verse: Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish (Proverbs 18:13). Bonus Reading: Isaiah 42:2-3
Son: "My coach is an idiot. Just because I was two minutes late for practice, he made me run laps."
Father: "Don't call your coach an idiot. And rules are rules. If you're late for practice, what do you expect? A medal?" This speech may make sense to a dad, but it won't help a son smarting over being embarrassed and afraid the coach won't let him start next game.
Dad would have gotten further with his son if he'd used any of the following replies:
- "You've always liked your coach, but now it sounds as if you are really upset with him." Acknowledging his son's feelings, leaves the door open to learning more about why his son is so angry with being disciplined.
- "It must have been embarrassing to run laps in front of the other guys—no wonder you're angry." Here Dad is probing for the real emotion behind his son's anger.
- "Running all those laps must have been a bummer. I remember having to do the same when I was late for practice." Showing empathy helps, but guard against making your son think you're only interested in talking about your own "good old days."
—Kevin Leman in Adapted from Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down (Nelson, 1995) by permission.
My Response: To make sure my child feels heard before I make a pronouncement, I need to …
Thought to Apply: In a way, not to be heard is not to exist. —Margaret Guenther (writer)
Adapted from Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down (Nelson, 1995) by permission.
Copyright © 2009 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine.
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Lord, help me learn ways to interact with my children that go beyond surface conformity to heart motivation.
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