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Hey Dad,

High-powered, Super Soaker squirt gun left in the yard, again—$8 Deranged dad on a 22hp Super-Soaker-shattering riding lawn mower—$2,500 Lesson learned—priceless!

Okay, so I didn't run over the Super Soaker … but I wanted to as the culmination of a week of living with six pigs, whom I affectionately call my children. They make messes faster than my wife and I can keep up. It seems like they get a puzzle out of the cabinet, spend 45 seconds working on it, run off to spread Honey-Nut Cheerios all over the floor of the kitchen, and then rush outside, leaving half of their clothes scattered near the trampoline entrance.

Oh, I've tried different techniques to curb their slob-like behavior like: a Jubilee box, taking away privileges, and the never-effective hollering rampage. Then I got the idea about the lawn mower. As I fired up the mower, I knew this was going to be the day they LEARNED their lesson. Like my dad says so often, "The best lessons are the ones that cost the most."

I was going to run over, slice, dice, and julienne, anything I found left in the yard. Super Soaker … ZZZUNK! Beloved cowboy boots … KERPLEWY! BB guns, Frisbees, wooden swords, shirts, socks, and bicycles … CHUCHUNAGUNGA!! Yeah, baby!! They were going to learn their lesson.

To my chagrin, Katherine (8 yr. old) was picking up all the junk around the trampoline … including the Super Soaker. Thwarted again.

I cooled down and called a family meeting together. I decided on a different approach. "Kids, we need to work harder at thinking about others. Every time you leave a banana peel, say, on the arm of the couch, your mom has to come by and throw it away. That means more work for her. So, we're going to think more about others as we play … "

I waxed eloquent for 10 minutes, and they all nodded in agreement. I thought I had connected until Sam (10 yr. old) ran from the room leaving behind a small game he had been playing with.

"Sam, get back here!" I said, pointing at the game.

"Ooops," he said with a smile.

That's the way it goes, Dad. We have family meetings, discipline children, try new techniques, and wake up the next morning only to start all over again.

As tough as it is, I love being a dad … and I love my six little pigs. But the next time I cut grass … watch out Super Soaker.

You 'da dad!

© Copyright 2005 Todd Wilson. Used by permission.

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