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Hey Dad,

Hope you had a great Christmas season with your family. To be honest, I'm kind of glad to be back in a routine. We did a lot of running back and forth during the week of Christmas.

Actually, we were about to leave my parents' house on Christmas Adam (the day before Christmas EVE—get it), when I was pleased to find out that my parents don't think I'm stupid.

They didn't say it in so many words, but that's how I took their comments, and it felt good to this 44-year-old kid.

All that day the weatherman had predicted freezing ice, and by the time we were ready to leave, the sidewalks were "slippery-er than a hog's gut."

My brothers insisted that we'd have to stay, but after testing the main roads, I was sure we could make it safely home. So I loaded up the van, all the time expecting my mom and dad to say, "Todd, you can't drive all the way home—you should stay here another night—you'd be stupid for attempting this."

BUT THEY DIDN'T.

In fact, my dad stood beside me and encouraged me in my decision, and my mom said, "You're smart enough to do what's best."

I'm telling you, Dad, I was shocked by how good it felt that my parent's didn't think I was stupid because I'm not too sure they always believe that. Like all good parents, they sometimes say comments like, "You really need to be careful—don't drive too fast—don't forget to tell Aunt Martha, thank you."

I know parents mean well, but when they tell us the obvious, it feels like they think we're STUPID.

But my parents didn't—not on that night.

I thought about the power of the words they DIDN'T say as I inched my way home and thought how often as a parent I show my kids that I think they're stupid.

I know I do it because they respond with phrases like, "I know, Dad—Yes, I did that, Dad—You don't have to tell me that again, Dad."

So here's one of my New Year's resolutions: By my carefully placed silence, I will show my children that I think they're smart. I'm going to hold my tongue and my 'obvious instructions.'

You know, I bet your wife and children would love to know that you think they're smart too. So when you're tempted to say things like, "Don't forget to wear a coat—put that away when you're finished—don't get hurt," don't.

You 'da Smart Dad,

PS - Thinking about the New Year, Family Guy Joey Watkins helps us take stock on what's really important. To read his article, go to http://www.familymanweb.com/article/two-helpful-questions-for-dads-in-the-new-year

PPS - Over at the Familyman Forum, a dad needs your input on 'spanking.' To weigh in, go to http://www.familymanweb.com/forum/comments.php?DiscussionID=278&page=1#Item_0

© 2008 Todd Wilson. Used by permission

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