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Talk all you want to about your pennant races, here's a midseason look at my son's instructional baseball league:

All of the teams are undefeated.

Most batting averages hover close to 1.000.

Fielding percentages? Well, there were a lot of bad hops.

For the uninitiated, the instructional league is for 5- and 6-year-olds. The games are easy to find—just go to the only diamond where the parents are smiling.

The coaches are volunteers, plucked from the stands the first night. To other parents' credit, I haven't heard one negative comment directed at a coach so far. I guess that's understandable, since in this league that kind of behavior would make you a coach in a big hurry.

To prevent games from lasting until the kids are shaving, the coaches pitch. If necessary, after a few swings and misses, they bring out a tee. An inning consists of each team going once through its batting order (outs are rare). The games have a two-hour limit, which includes time-outs for players to make a dash to the tall grass behind the stands, if you get my drift.

The style of play is, um, unique. Let me illustrate.

My son, who for anonymity's sake will be referred to as "Mark McGwire," is playing shortstop tonight. He and the other fielders wave at each other. They draw in the dirt. They fill their gloves with the same dirt and throw it into the wind.

That's not to say their heads aren't in the game. Whenever a ball is hit, every player on the field watches it carefully, not daring to move toward it until it stops rolling. Are you kidding? The thing could be booby-trapped.

Once the ball stops, usually at the edge of the outfield grass, a posse forms. Mark McGwire and about five other players swarm after the ball, no matter where it's been hit. They arrive simultaneously in what begins to look like a rugby scrum. Soon, the dust clears, and the ball is tossed back to the coach. Next batter.

"What about the base runner?" you ask. That depends. Most kids run to first base and stop, awaiting further directions from their shouting mothers. A few kids have caught on that there's precious little chance of being tagged out if you just keep running. And at least one player tonight hit the ball, then ran into the infield to retrieve it.

As the weeks go on, the coaches begin to employ strategy. Tonight, with enemy runners on first and second, the fielders are instructed to "go to third" for a force out if the ball comes to them. The batter hits a grounder in Mark McGwire's direction. Remembering the instructions, Mark gathers the posse. Six fielders streak for third base. The posse and the baserunner all arrive together in a cloud of dust.

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