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My wife, Dee, and I were walking along the hills by the shore not far from our home in Vancouver, British Columbia. Dee was pregnant with Joel, our third child, and I was pulling our two young daughters, Hannah and Sarah, in their red wagon. We’d had a wonderful day and I was so happy about our family that I was bouncing on my toes and swinging my arms at my sides.

As we came to the crest of a long, steep hill, I hopped into the rickety wagon behind Hannah and Sarah, grabbed the black steel handle and with several powerful kicks sent us careening down the narrow sidewalk. I was whooping and laughing, the girls were squealing and cheering me on. The wind whipped our faces and whistled past our ears. We bounced around as the wagon rattled and whizzed down the hill. We could barely hang on! Finally, we came to level ground and coasted to a halt.

When my pregnant wife caught up with us, I knew something was wrong. In as calm a tone as she could muster, Dee pointed out that our wild wagon ride was, well, pretty dangerous. As we talked through the situation, my wife’s gentle perspective helped me remember that I need to consider the safety of my actions, no matter how fun the idea seems.

I’m proactive about trying to be a good parent, but I also readily admit that much of my improvement as a dad is because of Dee. She has made me a better father.

Every parent, whether it’s Mom or Dad, wants to be the best parent possible. If you’re looking for ways to support your husband’s efforts to be an even better father, start with the biases about fathering that you’ve developed over the years. That takes some understanding of your relationship to your own father.

You may not realize it, but your dad profoundly affects the way you view your husband’s approach to fathering. If you have negative memories of your dad, you may not completely trust your husband to care for your kids. If your father wasn’t a very involved parent, you may find yourself giving your husband detailed instructions for even the simplest parenting tasks. Maybe you had a very supportive, loving father. Even that can lead to some frustration if your husband doesn’t measure up to the standard set by your dad.

In addition, the simple fact that you and your husband are two separate people—representing different genders—means you’re likely to come at parenting from vastly different perspectives. You’ve undoubtedly faced these conflicting perspectives in other areas of your marriage, from finances to the kind of toothpaste you use. But because parenting involves something so much more valuable, kids really bring these differences to the surface.

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