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I thought I was close to my kids. Then I bought my daughter a toothbrush. That's when I found out how clueless I really was.

"Mom! A Barbie toothbrush! How could you buy me a Barbie toothbrush?" Kimberly shrieked.

"Sweetie, you like Barbie. You just asked for a Barbie for your birthday," I said sweetly, trying to not let my aggravation show.

"Mom, that was two whole months ago. I don't play with Barbies anymore," Kimberly said, stomping off.

With hectic schedules, overbooked kids, and worn-out parents, it is hard for us to keep up on toothbrush styles, much less work on shaping our children's character. But carving out time to spend with our children is a must.

Recent research shows that children who spend time talking to their parents, taking part in family activities and meals, and building family traditions with their parents are less likely to engage in harmful activities. During these times of simply hanging out with their parents, kids tend to open up more easily about sensitive topics and explore issues in greater depth. Those same conversations about school, God, friends, and science projects rarely take place solely in a 10-minute chunk of "quality time" at the end of a long day.

As Dr. Janice Crouse, a respected authority on family issues, explains, "Kids learn our values when they are spoken to respectfully and feel free to ask questions. When we spend time with our children, we can be sensitive to the teachable times in their lives. Even while I watched television with my kids, I would ask them leading questions. 'Did you see how that man treated his wife? How could he have handled that situation better?' Those discussions helped my children become more discerning and discriminating in what they watched and the activities they participated in growing up."

To avoid a repeat of what is now referred to as "The Barbie Incident," and to keep the lines of communication open between the members of our family, we have come up with eight ways to stay connected with each other. Try them out in your family, or use them to inspire bonding time that's unique to your family.

My friend, Kim, and her husband, Jim, had long promised their children that when each child turned 16, he or she would go on an extended vacation with one of their parents; their daughter, Sarah, would go with Mom, and their son, Ryan, with Dad. The only requirements were that it had to be in the continental U.S. and that the kids had to help plan the trip.

"Money was tight, and we had to give up a lot in order to afford the vacations," Kim explains, "but we knew how important it was to spend that time with each of the kids." Time alone with a parent during the teen years can be just the ticket for a teenager who needs to be reminded that she'll always have a safe haven as she moves out into the world.

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