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 "Should I Spank My Child?" One mother's answer to parenting's most controversial question By Grace P. Chou
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Derek!" I yelled as my young son trotted into the street. I prayed that if my little boy didn't stop, the oncoming car would.
As parents, we all know how important it is to have obedient children. At times, their lives will depend on it. But as Christian parents, we also understand that discipline is about much more than shaping a child's behavior, it's about shaping a child's heart. And that's why we decided to stop spanking our son.
When Derek was born, we put a lot of thought into how we wanted to discipline our children. I turned to the stack of books I'd gathered, read several manuals on discipline, and even attended a Sunday school class demonstrating the appropriate grip and hold to use while spanking. By the time my baby became a toddler in need of correction, I felt fully convinced that spanking was the most effective means of discipline.
Whenever we spanked Derek, we'd follow the spanking with a time of hugging and assurances of our love for him. We didn't spank in anger or as an impulsive reaction. We always surrounded a spanking with instruction and follow up to make sure that Derek understood why he'd been spanked. Over the course of a few months, Derek became an obedient, well-mannered toddler.
One day I was talking to my mother and telling her something about Derek when she suddenly said, "I don't think you should be spanking him." I couldn't believe my ears! Couldn't she see how well it was working? Hadn't she spanked me as a child? But more importantly, didn't she know that the Bible commands it? I went to the Bible to copy down all the "rod" verses in Proverbs. I knew that would prove to her that I was following God's command. But in trying to prove my mother wrong I found instead God turning my heart around.
Rethinking the Rod
As I worked to construct my defense of spanking, I flipped through my copy of The Discipline Book (Little Brown & Co.) by Dr. William Sears to see what this Christian pediatrician had to say about spanking. I was stunned to find his suggestion that the "rod" in Proverbs refers to an idea of authority rather than a literal rod.
As I thought about this point, God brought to my mind Moses, who used his rod to demonstrate God's authority to the people. He used it to bring forth water from a rock (Ex. 17:5-6), to part the Red Sea (Ex. 14:16), and to show the power of God by changing the rod into a snake and back again (Ex. 4:1-5; 7:8-12). The rod was a sign of God's authority over his children; the same kind of authority God gives us over our own children.
Jesus also makes reference to the rod as a symbol of authority when he reveals himself to John. "To him who overcomes, and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations'He will rule over them with an iron scepter (The King James Version says "rod of iron"), he will dash them to pieces like pottery'just as I have received authority from my father" (Rev. 2:26-27).
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