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Birth control: play group at your house with six of your friends and all of their kids.

Birthmark: those annoyances that mark the fact that you have given birth (sagging and/or loss of breasts, varicose veins, stretch marks and failure to remember anything).

Birth weight: what the scale registered before you had children, which your scale may never see again.

Diaper wipes: wet, soapy cloths used for cleaning counter tops, dusting furniture, wiping down the inside of cars and making dirty sneakers clean (do not use on mirrors or windows).

Hotel: foreign word, definition unknown.

Night waking: a symptom that develops in every mother from the first moment you step into your home with a newborn and usually ends once the child has moved out of your house.

Quiet time: the moment of time when you realize that your toddlers have been quiet for too long and you then discover they have been up to no good (sticking feminine pads all over the bathroom walls and cupboards or attempting to apply mascara to the baby).

Romance: falling asleep on the couch with your husband while watching a rented movie and sharing a bowl of popcorn (usually around 8:30 p.m.).

Rooting reflex: when the dark hair roots on your head begin appearing more quickly than you remember and have taken on a much grayer tone.

Soft spot: eyeing your pillow with wishful thinking at 3 p.m.

Time out: girls' night, frosted brownies, blogs, cheese fries, lattes, date nights, shopping, magazines, MOPS and anything else that helps your brain refocus.

Linda Vujnov is a freelance writer who lives in Orange County, California, and enjoys speaking at MOPS groups. As a married mother of four children (ages 2-12), she gathers many amusing stories through her daily experiences.

Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/MomSense magazine. Click here for reprint information on MomSense.

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