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Angela Thomas is a single mom to four children, Taylor (16), Grayson (13), William (10) and Anna Grace (9). She lives in Knoxville, Tennessee, and is a well-known conference speaker. Angela has authored several books, including When Wallflowers Dance (Nelson, 2005), available in the MOPShop. Her newest book, My Single Mom Life, comes out in May.

MomSense Editor Mary Darr talked with Angela about growing during the mothering years and the importance of becoming a woman who pursues her passions.

In your latest book, you talk about a "wallflower spirit." Describe what that means.
The wallflower spirit idea came from my high school experience. I was the textbook wallflower in high school — the nerdy girl who never got invited to anything. I showed up for everything, but I felt like I was watching everyone else do high school. Then as a grown-up woman, I had learned to retreat into the spirit of a wallflower when life was difficult or painful or I felt empty. I wasn't the nerdy girl any longer. I was the grown-up woman who was showing up and smiling politely, but was empty on the inside as I watched everyone else live their lives with purpose and passion.

Do you still feel like a wallflower?
The path for me has been a difficult one. When I became a single mom several years ago, I didn't know who I had become or the woman I wanted to be. I had gotten lost in trying to please and in taking care of my four kids who were born within seven years. While trying to be the best mom I could be, I didn't know where "I" had gone. I felt like I wanted to get in the corner and suck my thumb. Life was too big and too hard, and I had nothing to give. Then I made a conscious choice to talk to God about my emptiness. And I saw that my wallflower spirit represented the years where spiritual growth had not happened. But the Lord took me through a process of growing up in my faith and becoming a mature woman. Almost every aspect of my life needed to grow up though. If you're living a wallflower life and are spiritually empty, I believe everything else goes that direction, too. I had to restore order in my life — to organize and restructure my home and to begin to take care of myself personally with good nutrition and exercise. I needed some emotional growing up and healing, too.

How did you start the process of growing again?
There were four things I did initially to start growing. First, I had to recognize that growth would be a choice on my part because I'm not going to wake up one day and suddenly be a godly woman. Instead I am choosing to grow each day. Second, pursuing the Lord with purpose meant stopping the chaos in my life. Over the course of three years, I finished the commitments I had previously made, but then I didn't commit to or add anything else to my life. I simply maintained my home, cared for my children and took care of my career. Third, I stayed connected to a community of faith. Growing up in my faith happened because I was hanging out with some really strong believers. Finally, I chose to restore order to my physical home and to my body through restructuring and organization.

Did you find time to pursue your interests as a mother of preschoolers?
I remember those very intense mothering days when I had one child in kindergarten and three still at home. During that time about 95 percent of my life was taken up caring for my family. But I probably had about 5 percent of the time left for me. Not that I got that time every day or consistently every week. But I made the decision to pursue the passion the Lord had given me during that small amount of time. In my early mothering years, I felt all I had in my life were threads, no tapestry, just threads. But I held up the threads of my life to the Lord and prayed for his timing to create my life's tapestry.

What's your passion?
God has given me the desire to unfold scripture — to teach the Bible. I do that regularly through my writing and speaking. Before I was married, I knew God called me to ministry, so I pursued my master's degree in Bible and Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary. However, in the years after the children were born, I didn't know if he knew what he was doing. I said, "I thought you called me to ministry, but I guess not." It has taken me a number of years to fully pursue my passion. In the meantime, the biblical instruction I received in seminary has paid great dividends in teaching my children.

Why don't more women become who they truly want to be?
I did an unscientific survey and asked 150 women: "Has life turned out the way you thought it would? Have you become the woman you wanted to be?" Every one of those 150 women said, "No, I'm not the woman I wanted to become." They spoke about some form of fear or lack of confidence that kept them from becoming that woman. And they wished they had not been afraid. In the Bible, John 10:10 says that Jesus came so that we can live life to the full. The truth about this passage is that where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is the opportunity to really live. It means we're to take hold of what's been set before us without fear.

What does it mean to live intentionally?
One of my friends passed away in his thirties. At his funeral people talked about how intentional he had been as a husband and a father. We were all so impacted by this man's commitment to do what matters and not live with regret. I want to be a godly woman who lives with intention and follows through with what matters. What matters for my family is that we look in each other's eyes and we laugh and tell funny stories. Snuggling matters and praying together matters, too. I'm 16 years into mothering and I know so much can distract me — like matching socks. But I love the quote from Jill Briscoe, "There is an art to leaving some things undone, so that the greater things can be done." You have to intentionally choose that the socks won't all be matched. You have to intentionally leave some things undone.

Are mentors important in a woman's life?
I think we could all grow so much faster if we had mentors. Mentoring doesn't always mean you meet with someone once a week. We have to look for mentoring opportunities. I love the idea that women 10 or 15 years older than we are can pass their life notes to us. I'm always saying to someone whose children are grown: "Do you have anything you can pass back to me?" I want to hear their stories of faithfulness because it inspires me. Many moms don't realize that they don't have to be "super mom." I was going to be the best mom ever to pack a diaper bag for the nursery workers. But by the time I had my fourth kid, I was writing my child's name on a diaper and handing it across the nursery door because I'd learned what matters. It's more important that you are a healthy, sane, rational, peaceful mom than how orderly your diaper bag is. It took me way too many years to figure that out. Sometimes we aren't quick to take advantage of the wisdom from the mentors God has placed in our paths because we want to be the perfect mom from the start.

What does the phrase "when wallflowers dance" mean in your life?
I had always envisioned myself as the woman at the dance who wore her best dress and did her hair up but who was just watching everyone else dance. I didn't think I was ever going to get to dance. Over the last five years, the Lord has shown me he didn't send me here to be hiding in the shadows, to be afraid, to be hesitant, wondering if I was going to get to dance. God made me for the center of the room — to be wrapped up in his arms. We think it's someone else who's going to call us into the dance. In fact, the Father has been calling us into his arms of love all of these years. According to Luke 15, no matter where you are or how long you've been away or how much you have wasted or lost, the Father runs to wrap up his beloved in his arms of love.

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