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The first few years of life are a time of rapid growth for children. Sometimes, however, babies and children don't meet expected standards of growth. This lack of growth is called "failure to thrive" and results from a wide variety of underlying causes. Children who fail to thrive are unable to take in, retain or utilize the calories needed to gain weight and grow as expected. Without diagnosis and intervention, failure to thrive in a child is a dangerous situation.

What does failure to thrive look like in a mom? What is the mom-equivalent of this clinical diagnosis in children? What if a mom doesn't grow as a woman and pursue her interests for a year, two years or 10 years? Often the diagnosis of failure to thrive in a mom is delayed until her children have left home. She may be left wondering who she is and what she should do now that there's no one in the home to mother. If a mom's life is solely focused on the growth and well-being of her children, she experiences a tremendous gap in her opportunity to grow as a woman.

Learning versus Growth
Moms with young children have many, many opportunities for learning every day. You're learning about sleep patterns and about what to feed your baby or toddler. You learn about developmental milestones in your children. You learn what will calm and excite each child. You learn about your city and the children's activities available. You learn about preschools and special activity classes.

But there's a difference between learning and growth. Learning is gaining knowledge and growth is moving toward maturity.

When my first child was about 3 years old, all the moms in preschool were talking about various kindergarten options. Other than my own education, I had no experience in this arena. In my hometown, there were no educational choices. The Catholic kids went to Catholic school, and the rest of us went to public school. When I considered a school for my son, the choices in my city were overwhelming. There was Montessori, Waldorf, Core Knowledge, British Primary, Christian, public or more. I visited a private school that cost as much as a college. I learned about educational philosophies and considered what would be best for my son's personality, learning style and the values of our family. There was a lot to learn!

But for me, real growth occurred a few years later, when I stood in front of the local school board and gave my informed opinion about a particular decision that affected my son's school. My learning about the school system translated into growth as I stepped up to an active role in a new situation.

Learning is about gaining information and knowledge. Growth is maturing and developing who I am into who I can be. Standing in front of the school board was definitely a growth experience. And I've had more opportunities for growth related to the mom side of me by being an advocate and speaking out on educational issues.

Growth as a Woman
What about growth as a woman, in areas that are independent of my life as a mother? Growth as a woman will help me to thrive even after my children have moved into independence and adulthood.

While the diagnosis of failure to thrive in a child leads to a specific action plan to improve the situation, I'm not sure my own growth pattern as a woman was all that intentional or specific. When my first child was six months I didn't say, "Gosh, I need to focus on my own personal growth." Such intentionality can be a great asset to growth. However, in hindsight, I see threads of growth that were woven through the years and contributed to my growth as a woman.

Before I had children, I had volunteered in an international student friendship program at a local university. When I became a mom, this global passion continued. Along with planning activities to promote friendships between international students and American families, I participated in a gathering of wives of international students. I grew in awareness of their isolation and needs and was privileged to build friendships with women from many different cultures. I grew in flexibility as I worked with these women. I also gained insight into the varying motivations of American volunteers. My involvement was a learning experience, but I also grew from my interactions and leadership responsibilities.

Along with my international student involvement, I heard about a communications need in our church. The church was active in sending and supporting people in overseas missions. Yet there wasn't consistent communication between these missionaries and the church community. I stepped up to use my writing and editing skills, along with my passion for global involvement, and produced a monthly newsletter for the church to address missions awareness.

These growth areas of volunteer leadership and communications had nothing to do with my role as a mom. However in the process, I also became passionate about helping my children be aware of their global citizenship. I was growing and developing in an area of my personal interest and skills.

Are You Thriving?
As you seek to meet the needs of your child, you're learning every day. But are you thriving? As moms, we want to see our children thrive and become all they are meant to be. All the learning you do as a mom will result in some growth. In the midst of your children's obvious, visible growth, seek out opportunities to learn and grow apart from your role as a mom (see sidebar). Discover ways you can grow as a woman and a leader in the midst of your mothering season, so you won't be diagnosed with failure to thrive when you move into the next season of your life.

Carla Foote is currently growing as the Leadership Editor at MOPS International. Along with editing Connections, a magazine for MOPS leaders, she is editor of a new magazine called FullFill that encourages women in all seasons of life to realize, utilize and maximize their influence. For more information on FullFill, go to www.fullfill.org.

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