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The most practical way for a mother to help herself is not a change in schedule, but a change in attitude.

I've heard there are women who schedule their days in 15-minute increments. I've seen 5-year-olds cheerfully respond with a "Yes, Mom!" to a request to clean up their bedrooms. Apparently, there are hordes of women floating through life with smiling babies on their hips in freshly pressed clothes, keeping up with birthdays, the housework and consistent discipline techniques. I'm writing to the rest of us.

Recently, my friend and I were trying to verbalize how maddening the chaos of running a home with small children can be. As the mother of a 2-year-old son, my friend had previously attempted to tell her spouse about the frustration involved in carrying out seemingly simple tasks in the presence of a toddler. Having four young children myself, I fully understood her line of thinking. We decided it was equivalent to someone working in an office, filing important papers, while a tiny person followed him or her around removing those files and throwing the contents on the floor; all while begging for something to eat. Throughout the day, anything put in its proper place would soon be removed or smothered with peanut butter. Yet all deadlines would be kept and a positive attitude expected.

Any woman who has sobbed in the shower overwhelmed by her responsibilities, or spent eight hours cleaning up the same mess in her kitchen, or put everything else on hold to rock a feverish baby or wrestled with the aching malaise of loneliness and isolation understands the sacrifices required to raise a child. And each morning many mothers are faced with a self-imposed to-do list. Mom attempts to meet the needs of her kids, her spouse, her home, her friends and maybe even a few of her own, on too little sleep and with too high expectations.

Six years ago, I vividly remember agonizing over what to do with my baby throughout the day. How many minutes should I spend reading board books and playing peek-a-boo? During naps, should I clean, cook, exercise or rest? What's more important, I wondered, being organized or teaching letter sounds? My priorities shifted with every parenting book I read, or expert I listened to, or conversation I started with other moms whose children seemed smarter, stronger or more obedient than my own.

The most practical way for a mother to help herself is not a change in schedule, but a change in attitude. That "never good enough" accusation we hurl at ourselves in the midst of a messy house or a defiant child only sabotages our efforts to find joy in the journey. True progress, for moms is the courage mustered by getting out of bed, despite our fear, and trying to be a little more patient, a little more attentive and a little more efficient than the day before.

It's taken a lot of tears, prayer and humility for me to open my front door and welcome guests with a smile, saying, "Please come in, and excuse the mess!" I was tired of waiting for my circumstances to be idyllic before enjoying the once-in-a-lifetime conversations and memories. I was tired of having my success defined by a checklist. An entire day spent reinforcing obedience with a 3-year-old has just as much merit as a day spent sorting through hand-me-down clothes or driving in the car running errands.

This afternoon I'd like to finish a load of laundry and make cookies for lunchboxes and after-school snacks. I'll start on these projects always aware that at any given moment I will be interrupted by a question in need of an answer, an argument in need of a referee, a scraped knee in need of a kiss or a fussy baby in need of nursing. This is the essence of motherhood—staying pliable and at peace.

I may never be nominated for homemaker of the year, but today I made it two hours without yelling, heard an original poem from my son, laughed at my 1-year-old pushing a comb in her stroller and enjoyed 30 minutes of quiet with a great big cup of coffee. Now that's a lot to be thankful for!

Molly Sabourin is a freelance writer who lives in Chesterton, Indiana, with her husband, Troy, and their four children, Elijah (7), Priscilla (5), Benjamin (4) and Mary (1). Her essays have been featured on the MOPS Web site.

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