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Mary Beth Lagerborg is Publishing Manager for MOPS International. For 12 years she's helped shape MOPS books, MomSense magazine and electronic media to meet the needs of moms and their families. She's written or compiled several books, including the bestselling Once-a-Month Cooking, and speaks on topics related to creating home. She and her husband, Alex, have three grown sons and make their home in Littleton, Colorado.

Her latest book, Dwelling: Living Fully from the Space You Call Home (available in the MOPShop) is full of ideas on creating a comfortable dwelling and cultivating the relationships that flourish there. MomSense Editor Mary Darr talked with Mary Beth about how to create the home your soul desires.

Describe what your new book Dwelling is about.
Home is so important. We shape our home, but our home in many ways also shapes us. We crave a home where we're accepted and can be ourselves, but where we're also encouraged to grow and become our best. I see this as a longing God created in our heart, compelling us to look toward a "best home" in heaven. Dwelling was a quest to get at the essence of a healthy home and the transferable concepts we all can apply no matter where we live or what our home is like. I interviewed 80 people and share their stories about what a healthy sense of home looks like for them and how they accomplished it in their family.

What does it mean to "live fully from the space you call home"?
Each of these words in the book's subtitle was chosen carefully. We want to create a home in which all family members can fully live. But if we only live fully "in" our home (versus "from"), we won't make a difference in the world. Rather, a well-lived home is a launching pad to which we return to be refueled, restored. And "the space you call home" conveys the wide diversity of places in which people can fully live—from a tent to a mansion.

Do you feel there are important ingredients to make a house a home?
Acceptance, beauty, comfort, space to share and private space are all important in making a house a home. Meals together, having specific areas conducive to play or rest and sharing of home-keeping tasks are necessary, too. But these elements look different in each home.

What are some of your best memories from your home of origin?
I grew up in two places simultaneously: Topeka, Kansas, where I was born in the same hospital as my mother was born, and Grand Lake, Colorado, where my family has spent part of each summer for four generations. My childhood home in Topeka included wonderful freedom to play and explore. And in Grand Lake, I experienced the richness of extended family relationships, summer friends from many states and evenings talking by the fire. My home life was not idyllic, but certainly stable and blessed. That's one reason why I interviewed so many people for Dwelling. I wanted to illustrate how a rich home environment is possible no matter what your home experience was growing up.

If your growing-up memories aren't happy, where do you begin to create a place of acceptance and rejuvenation for your family?
Pursue friendships and mentoring relationships with people whose home environment is appealing and shows relational wholeness. Spend time soaking up the essence in these homes. Ask them: "What's important to you about your home?" And pray! God wants to restore and bless, to extend mercy and grace. He can provide the resources you need as well as the ability to stand up to continuing influences that have not been healthy in the home of your past.

As a mother of three boys, what did you do to make home a special place?
When our boys were young, our neighborhood was filled with boys. So we often had four, five, six boys in our home. I suppose a mix of loud, active play and quiet choices helped maintain my sanity and were fun for them. Here's what my boys liked best: a sandbox for cars, GI Joe figures and little plastic soldiers that could be flooded with the hose (that was their favorite part); riding toys; Legos that we kept in the drawers of an old dresser (the drawers came out for easy viewing, and clean-up was a snap); lots of drawing paper and crayons and markers. While neighborhood friends were always welcome in our home, everyone followed our rules. And I don't think they minded because they were having fun and knew what was expected of them.

Did you ever feel frustrated by the constant clean-up or noise level?
Yes! I felt frustrated. And I wasn't good about getting them to consistently clean up. But I think you develop a rhythm that works. Sometimes you let the mess go, and sometimes you just have to have the order of seeing it cleaned up. Sometimes the noise is OK—they're having fun and nobody's getting hurt. But sometimes you ALL need to look at books or draw, and the neighborhood kids need to go back to their own places.

How do you figure out what you value most at home?
Discovering what we value most at home comes partially from our experiences growing up. There are some values we want to keep from our childhood and some we definitely don't. Watching friends we admire also helps us clarify our values because I think we're always unconsciously analyzing what's best about the atmosphere and relationships in a friend's home. If we're married, it's crucial these values are shaped and talked about together. Home is home for us both. And it will be an uphill battle unless we agree upon what we value most. Then the key is to be intentional and persistent in maintaining these values in our home.

What is something you value in your home?
We want people to feel welcome in our home and to be able to draw from it what they need at the time—a meal, rest, just hanging out with someone, a listener, a chance to regroup or restart. Sometimes this involves stretching beyond what's comfortable or convenient. But this is part of being intentional about home. One time our son Tim wanted to invite a group of guys to the cabin the week we planned to close it in the fall …. meaning changing all the beds and totally cleaning out the refrigerator. Not a convenient time to have a bunch of guys. One of them, I'll call him Bill, was the only one who chose to spend a long time out on the lake with Alex. I didn't realize until he and I cooked breakfast together the next morning that his father had recently passed away, and he was living in his mom's basement, trying to help her out. I was overwhelmed with the preciousness of being able to give him some special "dad/son" time. Often we don't know the larger significance of a simple act, like saying "yes" to having "inconvenient" company.

Can you blend styles/tastes without a head-on collision with your spouse?
As I share in Dwelling, my first big argument with my husband, Alex, was over decorating our first apartment. Somehow I thought I would be doing that, but oh no! We have quite different tastes, so this has been one of those perennial "opportunities" in our marriage. I've learned my way is not the "right" way. We're talking about questions of taste here, not eternal truth! Alex and I talk about choices and decisions, rather than one or the other making a significant change or purchase without consulting the other. In general, I think it works to let the spouse to whom the decision matters most make the final call. Then not everything becomes a major issue.

How can moms make alone time with God?
Two words come to mind: relationship and routine. Relationship helps to remind me to spend time alone with God because I am privileged to be in relationship with the God of the universe. That puts spending time with him in the category of something I want to do, not have to do. And I like routines sometimes. Routines help me not have to rethink how to do something. My time-alone-with-God routine involves a place that feels just right for that—propped in bed— and a time I can most hope to accomplish it—first thing in the morning with coffee and toast. I would suggest focusing on that relationship (with a God who is not offended if you can't do this every day) and a routine place and time that will best work.

What else should the MomSense reader know about your book?
Intentionally creating a dwelling place for our family and ourselves is some of the most rewarding work we'll ever do. The effects are seen in healthy individuals and also will extend like awnings from our home into our larger community. And it's possible no matter what the home we grew up in was like, and no matter what our home is like now. My hope is that Dwelling will help readers live fully in and from their homes.

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