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It's pretty much a tossup for what's most stressful during the annual "turkey and tinsel" season. Mounting credit-card balances. Expanding waistlines. Packing and transporting babies, toddlers and the accompanying four tons of paraphernalia over the freeway and through the tollbooth to Grandmother's house we go. Or (methinks this one wins hands down) telling immediate family this year you've decided to celebrate the initial holiday hours of Christmas with your own nuclear family … um, alone!

Gulp.

This can set off near-nuclear meltdowns. Indeed, there's nothing quite like the first time you, dear Mom, step up and claim space for you and yours during the seasonal madhouse of family tradition, expectations and sometimes not-so-subtle emotional manipulation.

Trust me, I know. For it wasn't that many years ago when "only child" me nervously explained to my parents why we would be driving to their house the day after Christmas. I admit to a bit of hemming and hawing on my part as I shared my reasons for doing so: "Kristen, Ricky Neal and Patrick would be able to crash in their own beds around 12:40 a.m., wake up on their own schedule (4 a.m.!), create a delightful mess of wrapping paper and boxes that wouldn't freak anyone out and then enjoy a leisurely day of destroying their new toys (you know exactly what I'm talking about) while their parents passed out in the living room for about six hours."

A perfect morning, I tell you, just perfect.

My parents weren't thrilled by the decision, but they understood—pretty much. And I knew for that year, at that particular time in our lives, it was the best thing I could do for my family.

So what about you?

Do you find yourself at a place this year where you feel the need to set some new limits or stretch some unwritten but nevertheless adhered to "but this is how we've always done things" holiday rules and regulations?

Do you find yourself needing to step up and be … gulp again … One Tough Mother?

If so, let me encourage you to do so with confidence and grace. And you can start by considering the following tried-and-true tips:

• Don't apologize for your decision. There comes a time in our family schedules, lifestyles and dynamics when we just know it's time for something different. I've often said to others and to myself, "It is what it is." So too is the holiday ebb and flow. It doesn't mean it'll always be this way—it simply is what it is this year.

• Allow ample time to communicate the holiday changes with family members. Don't even think about throwing this information out two days before any big holiday festivity. Give everyone time to adjust.

• Be prepared for grandmas and grandpas (as well as aunts, uncles and others) to be disappointed—even hurt. This is to be expected. So be ready to reassure them of your love as well as your plans after your at-home celebration. Let them know when they can expect to see their favorite little ones (and adults) pulling up in the driveway or arriving at the concourse.

• Don't feel guilty (and this is so important) for making this One Tough Mother call during the holidays. Remember, it doesn't mean you'll always do it this way. Relax in knowing other moms have gone before you (this mom included) and have lived to tell the tale of stepping up and being One Tough Holiday Mother.

Julie Barnhill is One Tough Mother to three children; author of seven books and popular speaker nationally and internationally.

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