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Lorilee Craker is an author and freelance writer who has written hundreds of newspaper and magazine articles on sports and entertainment. She's also authored several books on pregnancy, parenting and baby names, including her newest book: Date Night in a Minivan: Revving Up Your Marriage After Kids Arrive (Revell), which will be released in February 2008.

Lorilee has been married 16 years to her husband, Doyle. And they have three lively children: Jonah (10), Ezra (7) and adopted daughter, Phoebe (3). Lorilee makes her home in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she also attends MOPS. MomSense Editor Mary Darr talked with Lorilee about the issues that drain the romance once we have preschoolers and how to create a stronger, happier and hotter marriage!

Living in Michigan, you probably know something about cabin fever.
Yes, I do. I grew up in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, where during the winter months you're under a polar air mass with temperatures hovering around minus 30 degrees (F). But I love winter! In Grand Rapids, it's in the 20s and 30s during most of the winter, with a lot of snow and ice. What starts to drive me nuts here is that it's so overcast. It can be gloomy for three weeks with no sign of the sun. Then I really start to feel as though I want to run naked down the street screaming.

How do you combat that closed-in feeling?
My two boys are in school full time now, so it's just me and my 3-year-old daughter during the day. We often go to the children's bookstore in the nearby mall. I'll get a latte, and we'll roam around the store for awhile. And I go to my MOPS group. But I really need to get out of the house with only my husband and no kids. So Doyle and I have started taking ballroom dancing lessons. We can both be stressed out and grumpy when we walk into the dance studio. When we walk out, we're smiling and energized. There's something about dancing that's such a couple thing to do. The men wear suits; the women wear dresses. It's old fashioned romance. And the really nice thing is that Doyle did this for me. He likes dancing, too, because he's a musician and plugs into the music and the steps.

Have you struggled to find common interests as a couple?
We did struggle without even knowing it. As a couple, we're really opposites! He's a country boy; I'm a city girl. He loves hunting and fishing and all those outdoor activities. I just love to sit in a bookstore or go to a movie. We do try to go out about once a week as a couple. We didn't realize we were in a rut before we started dancing. We'd either go to the local bookstore and café, or we'd go to a movie. We're movie buffs—we love movies. But we were doing the same thing over and over again. Now we're doing this totally new and wild and crazy thing. And it turns out to be exactly what we were looking for all along.

After your kids came along, did you have to jumpstart your love life with your husband?
Absolutely! After each son was born, I felt so tired and needed to recover physically. But then, after we adopted our daughter, Phoebe, we were really exhausted because she doesn't sleep much. I think fatigue is a big reason why people lose their desire. For us, we have to get out of the house together and make romance a big effort. We celebrated our 16th anniversary in November. We didn't just go out to dinner; we went somewhere special for the night.

How do you keep the romance alive with your husband?
Because we're so different, it would be easy for us to drift apart emotionally. He'd pursue his things, I'd pursue mine. So we have to get out of the house alone to keep our romance alive. And it's also important every few years for us to go somewhere without the kids and reconnect as a couple. The more kids you have, the more it becomes like rocket science to arrange time away. But it can be done! And it's also important to remember that you're a couple first and parents second. The minute Doyle walks in the house, everyone wants to tell Daddy something. Sometimes I want to have the kids eat in the yard so I can finish my sentences with him. If we didn't go out regularly, we'd be in trouble.

Describe the top three issues you feel drain the romance out of a marriage.
I think these issues are different for everyone. But for us, the number-one thing we fight over is the time-off tug-of-war. Doyle loves to hunt, and he's also a trapper during January and February. His mountain-man fantasy is to live off the land. My fantasy is to go to a nice hotel. On the weekends, he really wants time off to go hunting. But I've been watching the kids during the week and working part-time at my job as an entertainment reporter for the newspaper. So on Saturdays, I want time off, too. Needless to say, the time-off issue can be a real romance buster.

One of the longest chapters in my new book, Date Night in a Minivan, is on the differences in discipline. This issue can really be tough. Just the other day, I thought Doyle was far too hard in disciplining Ezra. I was really upset and talked to him about coming down so hard on our son. And by then any thoughts of romance were gone. These aren't issues you talk about before you get married. The way you deal with your kids can really rub your partner the wrong way. And everyone has different sticking points. I get mad when the kids drop their clothes on the floor, and there's clutter. Doyle would never notice that in a million years.

Money matters are another big issue that can affect romance in marriage. Doyle is more of a saver and a worrier. I feel like the finances will all work out. But I have a couple girlfriends whose number-one issue is how tight-fisted their husbands are. They feel as though they can't even grab a latte with a friend. That's a romance buster!

What are some tips to help women "flip the romantic switch"?
Because of all the TV shows and movies we watch, we often expect our guy to come home with a dozen roses. I'm a big romantic, and I have that expectation. Let's face it, that's the last thing a lot of guys will do. It's not that they don't love us, but the thought doesn't even occur to some of them. So it's important for the woman to think: I'm going to be romantic. I'm going to do romantic things for him.

One time I was by myself at the Winnipeg airport and spotted this expensive book about the history of the fur trade. I bought it for Doyle. And it was the equivalent of flowers for him. He was really touched. One kindness does lead to another kindness. And one romantic gesture often leads to another romantic gesture.

How important is sex in a marriage after you have kids?
A lot of women feel so busy with their kids and with whatever else they're doing that they don't feel like having sex again. Ever! Really, sex is not just for married couples without kids. Now don't get me wrong, but I think you sometimes have to fake an interest in sex, and then the interest or the mood will often follow. You have to think: I'm a sexual being. This is part of my life and a huge part of my marriage I've been neglecting. So I'm going to buy a new pair of thong underwear even though I'd rather live the next 50 years in granny panties. Sometimes it's the little things that will get you in the mood. If the mirror is foggy, write "I love you" where your husband will see it. Try to be romantic. Try to be sexy!

How has your faith impacted your marriage?
Doyle and I were raised in Christian homes, and we're growing Christians. I think faith in God is sometimes the only thing that keeps a marriage together. Our foundational belief in God is definitely what has helped us through the hard times. Doyle and I aren't perfect. We're going through a good time now. But in the 16 years we've been married, we've had a lot of ups and downs. We may have wanted to throw in the towel, but knowing God expects us to keep going in our marriage is crucial. It's also important to realize he wants us to keep going and will give us whatever we need to do so. And you can't look to your husband to meet all your needs. You have to look to God to love you the way you were designed to be loved. Anything after that with your husband is icing on the cake. When we look to each other for those deep foundational love needs, we're in trouble. But that's a process, too—learning God loves you far more than your spouse ever could.

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