Home > Marriage > Emotions > The Other Woman
The Other Woman
We didn't kiss, or even touch. But the hold we had on each other wasn't easily broken
Jim Peters | posted 9/12/2008
 2 of 3
Losing Control
Amanda and I had been meeting for about a month when a group from
the youth center went on a weekend retreat. I began thinking about her as
soon as I settled into my bunk. I imagined the walks we might take or
conversations we might have, and instantly my conscience screamed out a warning:
"These are thoughts you should be having about your wife! How long are you
going to let this go on?"
As I prayed about the situation, I realized our meetings would have to end.
The next day I broke the news to her.
"Sarah and I will be moving to the Midwest in about a month," I began. I
saw the alarm in Amanda's eyes, and took a strange comfort in knowing she
would really miss me. "And, well, my family is really important to me and
I don't think we should be meeting together anymore."
Amanda was the type who had a small circle of friends, and she held them
closely. Her voice was bruised and soft when she finally asked the ultimate
question, "Why?" Without answering her directly, I reiterated how important
my family was to me, and added that I didn't want to do anything that would
jeopardize my marriage.
"You mean … " she began, then stopped. "I can't believe this. You're so
perfect. I never thought that … "
Amanda hadn't suspected that my interest in her was anything more than brotherly.
And my tacit confession served only to make us acknowledge our growing affection.
Besides, I was intoxicated by her remark that I was "so perfect" when, in
Sarah's eyes, I seemed to be merely a husband who earned too little money
and who couldn't tune up a car like her dad did.
"We can work through this," Amanda said. "You're moving anyway, there's no
reason we can't continue our friendship until then."
I suppose, deep down, I wanted to be swayed by Amanda's reasoning. We were
both mature, committed Christians. And besides, I'd be moving soon. Surely
we could keep a little mutual infatuation under control.
Facing the Truth
Amanda and I quickly discovered how difficult it is to take a
relationship backward. Whenever we talked, it was almost impossible to avoid
topics far more personal than the ministry we shared. Soon, I knew things
about Amanda that no one else knew.
Every time I'd start to feel a pang of guilt, I'd think, "Look, we've never
kissed, and we don't even hold hands. Can this really be sinful?" Besides,
our friendship was a welcome contrast to the emotional loneliness I felt
at home.
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