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The Ellises knew they had hit bottom after that big fight. And while the clash was painful, they are thankful for it because it humbled them.

Both Steve and Dori sensed an urgency to draw closer to God. As they prayed together, much of their selfishness and insensitivity was exposed. For example, Dori realized that the extreme, "out-there" nature of the entertainment industry was the source of many of their problems. So she started considering other career paths that would make use of her people skills without drawing her into a whirlwind of after-hours entertaining.

Shortly after a job change and their move to Indiana, the Ellises entered marriage counseling. Once they understood the tensions that arise when an extrovert marries an introvert, they were able to talk through their differences.

Dori learned what situations make Steve uncomfortable, so she now seeks his input before making social commitments. She also makes time alone with her husband a priority and has come to enjoy spending quiet evenings at home.

Steve also made some changes. He started forcing himself to spend more time with Dori in bigger groups of people. "It's easier for me to go into uncomfortable situations when I know Dori is aware of what I'm feeling," he says. "The more she stands by me, the more confidence I gain."

The Ellises now view their differences as something that is necessary to provide appropriate balance. "Steve takes time to develop relationships and has good boundaries," Dori says. "On my own, I'd be more inclined to dive into people's lives and get overly involved. Steve is teaching me to exercise wisdom and to protect our time and space."

And what about Steve? "Dori is teaching me to open up to people," he says. "As I reveal more of myself, I'm finding that my friendships grow deeper and more real."

Dori and Steve celebrated last New Year's Eve by throwing a party for friends from their church. The big gathering was a triumph of their new-found teamwork. Steve took charge of the kitchen and, between blending eggnog and slicing cheese, spent time chatting with friends in twos and threes. Dori was the master of ceremonies, presiding over charades and a sing-along. At the stroke of midnight, Steve swept Dori into his arms and they started the new year with a kiss.

"Opposites attract," says Dori, "but it takes obedience to God to make it work."

Copyright © 1997 by Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership Magazine.

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