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All couples run into "touchy subjects"—topics that stir up frustration and lead to awkward silences. Sex and money top the list in many marriages. But chances are good that you and your spouse struggle with a third area: how to talk about spiritual things.

Talking in-depth about spiritual issues can create significant anxiety. "Will I sound immature if I talk about my relationship with God? If I'm honest about what's going on in my life, will my spouse think I'm not spiritual enough?" Ever since sin came between the first married couple and God, fear, self-consciousness and embarrassment have made spiritual intimacy a difficult proposition. The vulnerability it takes to talk about matters of faith leads many people to keep the conversation short or avoid it altogether.

A second obstacle is the way each spouse was brought up. Maybe when your mate was growing up, her family talked about Christianity as easily as they did the weather. But at your house, family members rarely spoke of spiritual things beyond saying "good sermon today" on the way home from church. And, of course, many people never even attended church until they became adults. Some people grew up with spiritual expressiveness being as natural as breathing, while to others, it's still a foreign concept.

Add to that a third difference: the natural tendencies of different personality types. In Experiencing God Together, David Stoop writes, "When we approach the subject of spiritual intimacy, our personality differences obviously predispose us to certain approaches to God … and to our basic understanding of how religion relates to life."

For instance, some people have a strong bent toward duty and responsibility. Their spirituality is shaped by their desire to serve and make the right choices. Others are more mystical, emphasizing the importance of experiences and leadings from God. A third personality type is more people-oriented. These folks think of their spirituality in terms of how it relates to the people they care about. Still others are problem-solvers. They are most interested in "how-to's" and identifying the best course of action from a spiritual perspective. A fifth group is more intellectual about faith issues. They emphasize learning facts and grasping spiritual concepts.

Different personalities use different languages of spirituality. If a mystical type marries a problem-solver, they can easily end up talking past each other.

Often, the sticking point comes down to an uneven level of interest. Typically, one partner feels a much stronger need to talk about God to feel close spiritually, while the other is content simply to share activities like worshiping together or spending time with friends from church. Sometimes this difference is a reflection of overall communication patterns: The more-interested partner is more expressive about all areas of life. Other times the more-interested person is experiencing a spiritual "growth spurt" while the less-interested partner is on a plateau.

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