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The Boomerang Effect
Befriending another couple might be the best thing you can do for your marriage, say experts Les & Leslie Parrott
Ron R. Lee
 1 of 5
Les and Leslie Parrott don't sit still for long. There's just too much to do.
The Parrotts met when they were teenagers and got married between college and graduate school. Les earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Leslie an Ed.D. in marriage and family therapy. With their advanced degrees in hand, the Parrotts accepted teaching positions at Seattle Pacific University. But would they be satisfied with the settled life of academia?
Hardly.
They realized colleges and universities weren't doing much to help students prepare for the most demanding responsibility most people ever face—that of being a wife or husband. So they created an elective called "Relationships" and listed it in the course catalogue. When registration closed, they had to hunt up a larger classroom. They expected 25 students, and ended up with 250.
After the overwhelming success of that initial course, the Parrotts were convinced their students needed more. So they created a two-day seminar for engaged couples and those seriously considering marriage. Hence, the Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts program was born. Les and Leslie travel around the country presenting the seminar, which is also available on video.
Then there's the Center for Relationship Development, which the Parrotts co-direct and which serves as their base of operation for teaching, counseling and developing educational programs. It's also where they do some of the research for their books. Writing together, and individually, they have more than ten titles to their credit, including Becoming Soul Mates; Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts; Questions Couples Ask; High-Maintenance Relationships; and their latest project, Mentoring Engaged and Newlywed Couples, a curriculum to help couples become marriage mentors.
The Parrotts would like to see a national network of marriage mentors develop. They envision colleges, churches and concerned couples across the country pairing newlyweds with couples who have been married ten years or longer. Newly married couples benefit by having access to couples who have already been through many of the things the newlyweds are just now encountering. But young couples aren't the only ones who benefit: The mentors get a lot out of it as well.
Les and Leslie call this the "boomerang effect," and here's how it works.
When you two were newlyweds, you got to know an older couple who became a big part of your lives. How have mentors improved your marriage?
Les: Actually, two different couples have served as our mentors. The first, Dennis and Lucy Guernsey, we met while we were in grad school. Sadly, Dennis died last fall, and losing him has left a big hole in our lives. He and Lucy were teachers and writers, so they were more tuned in to what Leslie and I do professionally. That was a great help to us. And then there is our pastor and his wife, Tharon and Barbara Daniels, who have helped us more in the area of our spiritual lives.
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