Home > Marriage > Emotions > Clueless Men and Angry Women
Clueless Men and Angry Women
A conversation with Holly Faith Phillips, co-author of What Does She Want from Me, Anyway? (Zondervan)
Louise A. Ferrebee | posted 9/12/2008
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Then assumptions about a woman's verbal skills can actually undermine her efforts to communicate?
Women can talk circles around men, and often that makes men feel insecure. Men know they can't keep up verbally, so they either become very demanding or they retreat, knowing they can't win anyway.
What's the way out of this vicious cycle?
Women and men need to spend more time listening and giving each other permission to vent. Once we get past the venting, we can get down to the real stuff. From there God can move our hearts with compassion; and we can start helping one another instead of being each other's biggest "enemy."
So communication is meant to bring together, as you say, "two halves of the same whole," not to get our own needs met.
Getting our own needs met is certainly the slant in John Gray's bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. And it's that kind of advice that was another driving force behind my desire to write this book.
You wanted to bring Christ back into the relationship equation, right?
The bottom line is the Scripture in Ephesians 5—the verse before "Women submit to your husbands, and husbands love your wives" that says in essence, "Love one another in the fear of Christ." We should be loving one another and serving one another. The strength to be a servant-leader and have a servant's heart comes from the Lord. When the rubber meets the road, if you don't have Christ the chances are slim this will happen in your marriage.
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