Home > Marriage > Better Sex > What Happened to the Fireworks?
What Happened to the Fireworks?
More often than not, we settled for a snuggle and sleep instead of sex. Here's how we put the KA-BOOM back into bedtime.
Cynthia G. Yates
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A new lingerie shop had opened at the mall, and Joe and I stepped inside to have a look around. I found a beautiful, and seductive, nightgown. But after I'd done everything but stand on my head and whistle to try to get my husband to buy it, he abruptly ushered me out of the store.
"We're more like friends than lovers!" I blurted out. Surprisingly, Joe seemed unaffected by my harsh words as we maneuvered our way through the crowds toward more "practical" stores. "How could I say something like that to my best friend?" I wondered, mentally beating myself up for my outburst.
We've been married long enough to know the comfort that comes with routine and profound contentment. We've braved tough times, worked through some hurts and basically have a solid marriage. We are totally devoted to each other, and yet, if I had to evaluate our marriage back then, I would have said it was "made in heaven—sort of."
"Sort of," because our sex life stunk. Basically, we weren't having much, if any. Only on rare occasions (like the stroll through the lingerie store) did I wish my husband found me physically—sexually—alluring. The rest of the time I was content with our evening clutch as we snuggled next to each other for another night's rest. Night after night.
Yet standing in that store, something stirred inside me. As my fingers slid through the soft silk nightgown, I thought of my usual bedroom attire—ratty flannel pajamas. And just as I was caught up in the fantasy of swooshing through our bedroom in that alluring garment, Joe yanked me in a bee-line toward the door, obviously not sharing my fantasy. Or so I thought.
Not long after our trip to the mall, we headed north for our annual October vacation. Little did I know what Joe, who was very much affected by my words that day, had planned. My meat-and-potatoes man turned our weekend into a nonstop banquet of affection and romance. He was no longer just a friend, but again my lover. A love letter (that I will forever cherish), perfume, chocolate, giggles and a massage clearly communicated that he did find me alluring. In fact, after we checked into the honeymoon suite of a lodge in the Canadian Rockies, my husband presented me with the very nightgown I so desperately wanted. We rekindled a spark that burns brightly to this day, and we are both determined to keep complacency at bay.
Why had we allowed our love life to deteriorate to the point of celibacy? The only reason I can come up with is this: We got lazy. Love-making requires preparation and effort. It's a little like exercise—we hate to lace up the shoes, but once we've taken a brisk walk through the countryside we feel more alive. If you've been feeling more like a monk than a married person, here are a few ways to stoke the fire in your marriage.
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