Home > Marriage > Better Sex > What Happened to the Fireworks?
What Happened to the Fireworks?
More often than not, we settled for a snuggle and sleep instead of sex. Here's how we put the KA-BOOM back into bedtime.
Cynthia G. Yates | posted 9/12/2008
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Recognize that God created marriage.
He designed us for each other, and intended for husband and wife to delight in each other. Find your partner's body irresistible to touch, and then do some touching. "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine," says Solomon in the Song of Songs. Treat your mate's body with love and reverence.
Renew your resolve.
Make a conscious decision to improve your sex life. Then take deliberate steps toward your goal: Adjust your attitude, take care of your body, make time for each other. For example, my husband knows how I dislike his coarse, day-old beard. I appreciate it when he showers and shaves before lovemaking.
Run away from home.
Daily distractions and routines can get in the way of a healthy tryst. If you are on a limited budget, consider these options:
Ask relatives or friends to care for your kids or to relieve you of other responsibilities for a night or two. Then offer to reciprocate.
Study your address book. Who do you know who has a vacation home or cabin? Who might be willing to trade homes with you for a weekend?
Check the off-season rates for resorts and motels. Always ask if there is a lower rate than the one quoted, or a special "honeymoon" package. So what if you're on your 6th or 26th honeymoon?
If you can't get away, change your routine. Put a bookmark in the novel. Skip the nightly newscast. Get rid of the notion that passion must always be spontaneous. For Joe and me, "waiting for it to happen" was a ticket to failure. Spontaneous sex in this over-extended household is a bit like asking the circus juggler to pause for a spot of tea. Planned passion can offer heightened desire because it gives us a chance to daydream in anticipation of our time together. Also, setting aside a specific time means we're better able to guard against outside interruptions.
Increase your chances.
You love your spouse deeply—right? Show it by doing things to enrich your love life. Write a love letter, purchase some massage oil, splash on some perfume, light a candle, play romantic music, wear seductive clothing. My signal to Joe is sometimes as simple as putting on that nightgown instead of my flannel pajamas.
Communicate.
Tell your mate why you love him or her, not just that you do. Affirmation is critically important to the health of any relationship. Sometimes it's during pillow talk, sometimes it's in a crowded room, but I get a thrill every time Joe whispers to me that I'm beautiful.
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