Sign up for our free newsletter:

 2 of 2

If recognizing the warning signals has you gripping the wheel, don't panic. These are normal responses to the challenges of everyday marriage. The warning lights simply tell you when to stop and check things out. Here are eight ways you can give your marriage the tune-up it needs.

1. Get intentional. Create a positive experience for you and your spouse—on purpose. Blow a wad on a great date night or a surprise for your mate. Then do it again in a few weeks.
   
2. Study your spouse. What kinds of things does he or she get excited about? What are your mate's dreams? What does your spouse think would make his or her life more fulfilling? One way to make your partner feel appreciated is to express genuine interest. Even better, you'll both experience joy as you help make your spouse's life more satisfying.
   
3. Sort through the negatives. Which problems are negligible—things you can live with—and which ones are important and must be resolved? As you sort them out, you may be surprised at how few "biggies" there really are. Also, as you tackle one or two problems together, the next one that comes along won't seem so insurmountable.
   
4. Set mutual goals. Offset the tendency to focus on yourself by finding one or more areas that you can purposefully work on together. Chris and I recently agreed to work toward a financial goal of spending less for the next 12 months so we can pay off a debt. Agreeing to achieve this goal together turned a sore point into a connecting experience.
   
5. Don't let feelings fester. Find the time and energy to resolve disagreements as they come up—even if it requires a "late-nighter." Long-term resentments can use up more energy than a few hours of wrestling through a problem.
   
6. Focus on reality. Guess what? The grass is browner on the other side of the fence. The perfect spouse doesn't exist—anywhere. So look for what you love and appreciate about the one you've chosen.
   
7. Be a servant. This is how Christ won over the multitudes. So make your mate the target of some good deeds this week. Serving your spouse will actually make you feel better.
   
8. Seek excellence. Work as hard to maintain your marriage as you do to advance in your career or to excel in raising your kids. What areas need extra attention? How will you know if you've met your goals? Generate new energy and creativity and apply them to your marriage.
   

Don't let the challenges of the road throw you off track. A positive relationship is a destination worth pursuing—together.

Michael Lace, Psy.D., is a psychologist in marriage and family practice in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. He and Chris have three children.

1998 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. For reprint information call 630-260-6200 or e-mailmp@marriagepartnership.com.

first page |  2 of 2

				Try 3 Issues of Christianity Today Free! Name Street Address City/State/Zip E-mail Address Subscribe to Christianity Today and get 3 free trial issues. No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only. If you decide you want to keep Christianity Today coming, honor your invoice for just $19.95 and receive nine more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The three trial issues are yours to keep, regardless.

RSS Feed   RSS Help