Home > Marriage > Family Concerns > Peace on Earth—and at Your House, Too
Peace on Earth—and at Your House, Too
How to beat the stress of the season
James and Heather Sells | posted 9/12/2008
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Listen to your spouse's dream. Heather tells me that what she really wants for Christmas is some quiet family evenings. So we set aside the nights. Plan to see "The Nutcracker" together or take a Saturday to shop for the tree and trim it.
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Honor each other's family traditions. In my family the video camera and other cameras stay in continual use during holiday gatherings. Heather comes from a photographically challenged family, but now she enjoys it—most of the time. Maybe you dislike your spouse's family's favorite Christmas snack. Maybe your family gives lots of presents, and your spouse's gives just a few. Talk about the differences and respect each other's celebration styles.
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Lighten the calendar. Make pre-Christmas, Christmas and post-Christmas plans. Have get-togethers in November and January, then commit December to major events.
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Respect your budget. If Heather splurges on a gift for her sister then I feel "justified" to splurge on a gift for my dad. It's easy to find ourselves extended beyond our budget. Especially when money is tight, it's not fair to overspend and then expect your spouse to support your purchases. Plan ahead so you have time to find "perfect" gifts within your limits.
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Set a date night in December. Too many "must-do" events leave no time for you as a couple. So plan a night out—or "in" after the kids are asleep. If you can't schedule one, then you're over-committed.
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Keep in mind the best gift you can give. A loving relationship is the best gift. So make decisions that nurture your marriage and reduce tension. What's the gift we want most? A marriage that reflects the beauty and sacrifice of God's gift to humankind.
Dr. James Sells is a therapist and a professor of counseling at Northern Illinois University. Heather Sells is a publicist for Copley Chicago Newspapers. They have two children.
1998 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. For reprint information call 630-260-6200 or e-mailmp@marriagepartnership.com.
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