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In November 1990, that first Thanksgiving of our married life, I made a list of the "Top Ten Things to Be Thankful for in 1990." I used to make a list like that every year, as a spiritual exercise. Guess whose name is at the top of that list? David topped the chart in 1989 as well. I still have those lists, stuffed in with all the letters we wrote to each other while we were apart—in Oklahoma and Chicago—the year before we married.

I remember that it was easy to make that list—despite our financial deprivation. It was in those early months of marriage that David and I slipped into what's become a thankfulness norm for us. We enjoy, separately and together, quietly and out loud, what God has given us.

You don't hear a lot of premarital counselors instructing young couples, "You know, you need to be thankful because that's really important for your relationship." They ought to, though. For David and me, thankfulness is a kind of Superglue. It gives us a strong sense of hope and confidence about our future—our future together. Because we've grown accustomed to looking for God's goodness, we've come to expect it (you can't force or fake this kind of hopeful joy). Because we've seen God give us strength and patience in our relationship in the past, we're convinced God is going to be with us in future troubles—from within or outside of our marriage. It's not that we glibly assume that because we're Christians we're never going to have illnesses or financial setbacks or rebellious teenagers (someday). It's more that we've become deeply convinced that God will keep on working in us and through us, no matter what comes our way.

In that sense, a thankful spirit is giving our marriage a sense of glad expectation. We expect to be together for decades—and we expect God to be with us too. Thankfulness defeats gloominess or feelings of hopelessness about our marriage. When we're thankful together, we're helping each other put our faith in God.

Thankfulness is binding because it requires some humility. You can't be thankful and boastful at the same time. David is humble enough to know whom to thank for his talents, his health, his family, his job. That humility makes him accessible to me; it puts us in the same place as fortunate-beyond-reason recipients of God's unparalleled giving.

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