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3. Be Specific with Your Praise Let your spouse know exactly what you appreciate about him or her. For instance, you might get a nonchalant thanks if you tell your wife what a great mom she is. But her eyes will light up when you tell her, "I'm really thankful that I married a woman who is so sensitive to the needs of our kids." And your husband will swell with pride when you tell him, "I'm so glad you take the time to keep the car running perfectly. You always take such good care of me."

4. Praise Your Spouse in Public Whatever you say about your spouse to other people will eventually get back to your mate. Think of how good your husband will feel when a mutual friend says, "I can't believe how much she raves about you. Why just the other day she told me … "

Better yet, compliment your wife to others in her presence. Though causing her to blush on the outside, my friend Sheila secretly beams on the inside when her husband, Jeff, looks for her at parties and asks friends if they'd seen his wife, "the most beautiful woman in the world."

5. Salute Good Efforts Perhaps your wife isn't crazy about cooking. Maybe your husband isn't a wiz with a hammer. Instead of telling her what you don't like about supper, let her know that you appreciate the time and effort she puts into it. And when your husband hangs a picture for you that's not quite straight, refrain from criticizing his eyesight. Instead, thank him for trying something new on your behalf. Affirming your spouse in an area of weakness will ease the insecurity he or she already feels inside.

6. Give Undivided Attention Show how much you really care by offering your undivided attention. An off-handed compliment about Sunday's dinner while you're watching the football game won't mean much to your wife. Conversely, the words will just roll off your husband's back if you thank him for his encouragement while you are running out the door. Praise and affirmation that are accompanied by meaningful eye contact proves that your words are genuine.

7. Develop a Habit of Daily Praise A spouse may grow suspicious of your motives if you come on like gangbusters with your compliments. And you will give up if your intentions are questioned. But if you purpose to say one nice thing each day to your partner, he or she will be able to accept and appreciate your words. When your spouse feels valued by you, his or her level of self-worth and confidence will also increase.

Simon Presland, a freelance writer, lives in Ontario with his wife and two daughters.

Copyright © 2000 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.

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