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God's Rules for Sex
God's Rules for Sex
Melissa and Louis McBurney | posted 9/30/2008
 2 of 4
Melissa: God's way is always best. He wants you to have a fantastic marital relationship including, of course, wonderful sex. So as you make adjustments in your sexual relationship, you can count on God's help as you move together in the direction he desires—increased oneness and unselfishness. If, however, your sexual desire is driven by selfishness or other sin, you're on your own. God isn't going to help you move in the wrong direction.
But be encouraged. As you pursue enjoyable sex as believers, God can help bolster your energy and ingenuity. Count on him to supply the help you're seeking.
Post-Honeymoon Blues
My wife and I have been married for six months, and every aspect of our relationship is great—except sex. After we got back from our honeymoon, our sex life has gone slowly down the drain. She doesn't even like to kiss me anymore.
I find myself dreaming that I'm dating other women, then wake up to find I'm still in my disappointing marriage. I love my wife and I'm attracted to her, but I'm tired of feeling rejected. Is this what the next 40 years are going to be like?
Louis: We're always relieved when couples ask for help after being married just six months. Your honesty and openness practically guarantee that you won't experience 40 years of sexual isolation.
Early sexual adjustments are often difficult. The popular culture's notion of dynamite sex on the honeymoon and ever after is explosive only in its inaccuracy. In the first place, you're having to deal with vast gender differences. These range from a woman's typical view that sex is a relational expression contrasting with a man's customary approach to sex as physiological gratification. But it doesn't end there. We view sex differently as well when it comes to the types of turn-ons that we find effective and the variation in male-female response curves. (Men get excited more quickly.)
Understanding these variables is a necessary starting point for solving sexual difficulties. Sometimes all we need to do to overcome the blocks to sexual pleasure is to recognize and discuss our differences. But more commonly, some outside counsel is necessary.
Since sex is such a personal, and often threatening, subject, many couples retreat quickly when it's not working well. They don't want to admit the problems but instead begin to build up fearfulness and anger. Men are particularly sensitive and defensive about sexual difficulties. Sometimes in counseling, we hear husbands say, "I'm sure my wife will never be willing to talk with you about our sexual problems." Then we see the wife who shares even more openly than her husband. So let us encourage you to talk with a competent counselor at your earliest possible opportunity.
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