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At first, I was too afraid to drive or go to school functions or church, so he became "taxi dad" for the kids and attended their events alone. The kids didn't understand why I wasn't able to go, but Brad never blamed or demeaned me, even when he didn't understand why I was afraid. He felt helplessness more than anger or inconvenience.

Even routine things I previously did, such as buying groceries, had to be done by him until I was able to get my courage back. In addition to taking a more active role with household and childcare duties, he also had to contend with my shifting emotions, as I experienced both progress and relapse. Day after day, he came home from work, not knowing if the Cindy he used to know would greet him or if it would be the one who was depressed and weary from struggling with panic symptoms.

The stress went beyond the change in my demeanor to include financial stress. Medical bills piled up in our search for answers and relief from the symptoms. We found ourselves struggling to keep up with the added demands on our budget, and yet Brad didn't complain about the tests that were continuously ordered to rule out physical causes, such as heart problems or hormone or chemical imbalances. He was frustrated by the changes, but he knew that I wasn't to blame and often told me so, which helped me feel secure in our relationship.

In fact, looking back on the experience, I realized something amazing: I never once wondered if my husband, Brad, would leave me. I never sensed blame from him or doubted his willingness to stand by me, even if I got worse and even though he knew there was no guarantee I would get better. He didn't understand it or like it any more than I did, but he was willing to learn along with me and listen as I shared information with him. He often told me that he was praying for me, which I believe was an important part of my recovery. When our vows were put to the test, he rose higher than I could've imagined.

Having spent the past two years talking with others who suffer from anxiety disorders or physical illnesses, it became clear that when the "worse" comes into a marriage, it isn't always for the better. I heard stories from men and women alike whose Christian spouse bailed out on them. They were left with the double stressors of illness and the loss of emotional and financial support. But there were others who, like me, found that the experience became a relational "glue," making the marital bond stronger than ever.

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