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As we sat together at a marriage seminar, I remember thinking how funny it was that the seminar was called "Marriage for a Lifetime." My marriage was over. I believed it with every ounce of my soul.

However, my husband was encouraged that I had agreed to come. He didn't know that my motive was selfish. I went so that I could say that I had tried everything to save the marriage—and a Christian marriage seminar was about the only fix I hadn't tried.

We had been married sixteen years and had four wonderful children. The past four years were spent in weekly marriage counseling with a Christian couple who were trying to help us stop arguing. I had recently surrendered my life to God over a problem with alcohol and was no longer numbing my feelings. Now, my discontent with our marriage was undeniable and visible.

Since I came from a remarkably dysfunctional family full of divorce and addictions, and my husband's was "in tact," I was usually labeled as the one with "the problem." But during our second session of therapy, our counselors told my husband, Steve, that he had to face his sexual addiction that revealed itself as anger, emotional and physical isolation, entitlement, pridefulness, and in a preoccupation with sex. I always thought his anger was my fault. But now I realized I could do nothing to change Steve. He had to change himself. And for the next four years, he chose not to.

Just before the marriage seminar, while on a trip with my oldest daughter, I met a man who turned my head. I felt deprived, lonely, and vulnerable. He said things that made me feel good inside. I was shocked to find myself responding emotionally. Thankfully, I cut off the friendship, but I was depressed, physically unhealthy, and knew I couldn't go on with my marriage the way it was. Steve's inability to face his own escalating addiction, coupled with my co-dependency, made our situation unbearable. I tried everything I knew how to do, and still nothing changed. So I asked Steve for a separation. It was the first time my husband took what I said seriously. He hit bottom and surrendered his life to the Lord.

But it was too late. I had lost trust and respect for Steve because of his actions and I felt my hurt over his betrayals was irreparable. I didn't think I loved him anymore. I thanked God that Steve found salvation and was able to ask for help with his problems. But I wondered why his salvation had to come at the expense of our marriage.

The separation was heart-wrenching, but we did the best that we could. We kept our children's emotional well-being a priority. They got counseling, and we talked with them about our feelings. Steve and I also continued counseling.

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