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Our five-year-old son, Jordan, came home from one of his first bike outings with three "souvenirs" on his knees. They looked like they really hurt but that hadn't slowed him down.

"We shouldn't be surprised," Brian said, "most falls come early on in the learning process."

Marriage and riding a bike are a lot alike. Coordination, cooperation, and determination go into both. They can be both exhilarating and good for the heart. The training wheels on a bike keep you from falling while you learn the balance and coordination required to ride. The training wheels for marriage are pure and wholesome dating relationships and heeding the advice of wise and experienced "riders." Unfortunately for many of us in this media-bombarded society, we assume we know what's involved in nurturing both marriage and genuine intimacy without any real experience or wisdom. We often forfeit the training wheels and race full-speed over hills and around curves on an impetuous course for oneness. This dangerous ride is called premarital sex and causes bigger scars than a skinned knee in a bike fall.

Premarital sex wounds the sanctity of a heart and, left untreated, can scar a marriage for a lifetime. We speak from experience; our relationship began with a fall. And we have the scars to prove it.

We started dating in high school. Brian was the president of his church youth group, a National Honor Society member, and a star athlete. I grew up a few doors down from my church, had near-perfect attendance in Sunday school, and cheered Brian on from the sidelines at school sporting events as a pom-pom girl. Through most of my high-school career, we both remained virgins, yet the physical progression of our emotional attachment seemed natural. Our defenses lowered and eventually we were rushing headlong down a dangerous hill, our hormones skidding over our reasons to remain pure.

We got married to cover the visible consequences— pregnancy— but the emotional and spiritual consequences of our sin became more evident as time progressed. The familiarity of marriage lessened the lure of what was previously forbidden— sex. Without the illicitness surrounding sex, we began to see our premarital relationship for what it really was— counterfeit intimacy. After the layers of deception were peeled away, we discovered a marriage rooted in instant gratification and self-serving pleasures.

Even so, it was four long years until we repented as a couple of the sin of premarital sex. Sure, we had said we were sorry before that time. But even then selfishness dictated our sorrow. We were sorry we had gotten caught. We were sorry we had problems because of it. This repentance was different. We were actually sorry for the rebellion we had displayed against a holy God and the dishonor we committed against each other. For four years we had viewed premarital sex much like the rest of mainstream Christian culture—with an attitude of indifference.

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