Home > Marriage > Real Sex > He Never Wants Sex!
He Never Wants Sex!
Louis and Melissa McBurney | posted 9/30/2008
 2 of 4
Melissa: This is a hard thing to bring up, but I am wondering if you need to take a good hard look at yourself. Get a woman friend to help you see if there are things about you that would be a turn-off to your husband. You said that he says he is still attracted to you, but to say otherwise would be risky for any man. Check out such things as cleanliness, odors, weight, the way you dress, your playfulness, attitudes, or anything you and your friend can think of that might be objectionable to him. Choose this friend very carefully and wisely. She should be someone you know you can trust to keep this confident. If there is no one to help you, ask the Lord to let you know what the problem is. His plan for the two of you is oneness. You can count on him to help you achieve that.
Masturbation Is My Only Option
Q.My husband and I have been married over twelve years. We recently learned in a Bible study class that masturbation is a sin. This is the only way that I am able to reach climax. Are they implying that it is a sin to masturbate alone, or is it okay with your partner? I need some clarification, because I haven't seen anything written in the Bible stating that masturbation is a sin. Can you elaborate on this subject?
A. Louis: Masturbation is not specifically mentioned in the Bible. Any interpretation that it is a sin must be an application of some other Scripture regarding sexuality. Some of these certainly could imply that masturbation under some circumstances could be sin. For instance, if masturbation is used as a way to deny sex to your spouse, that would be destructive and go against the 1 Corinthians 7 principles Paul describes. If masturbation is accompanied by fantasies of extra-marital relations, it may fit with Jesus' definition of lust in Matthew 5.
In your situation, which is not unusual because of the physiological differences between men and women, masturbation is not a sin. Often with their faster sexual response a male has sprinted through the excitation, plateau, ejaculation, and recovery phases while his wife is just beginning to feel turned on.
Manual stimulation may be her only option to achieve orgasm. A thoughtful husband can provide that, giving her not only physical release but a sense of being cherished. That clearly completes the biblical picture of two becoming one.
Masturbation alone can be useful when a couple is not able to be together for sex. This may be the case in many different situations (travel, fatigue, schedule problems, health considerations, even a time of spiritual "fasting" by one mate). I do not see individual masturbation as sinful in these situations as long as the associated thought life honors the marriage vows.
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