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One benefit of life in a foreign country is the "slow down" syndrome— especially if you don't speak the language. But we had a double challenge. Not only did we have to learn to speak German, we had to learn how to communicate better with each other. In the midst of cultural stress we discovered some principles that revitalized our marriage for the short-term and for the long-term helped us prepare for what is now the very best stage of our marriage—the second-half empty nest years! Here's what we learned.

Stop! Now that's a novel idea, but it's hard to do in our busy world. It isn't so hard when you move to a foreign country and you have no one to talk to but your spouse. We found ourselves physically together but emotionally miles apart. We felt disconnected. Alone. Isolated. Before moving to Germany, we had prided ourselves on having a great marriage. But over the years, little barnacles had built up on our marriage ship. They became glaringly evident when the waves of activity subsided. Suddenly we had time to talk, time to face issues previously ignored.

One morning as we stared at each other across the kitchen table, we realized how far apart we had drifted. The one thing we did agree upon was that we both wanted to get our marriage back on track.

Perhaps you can identify with us. You never intended to drift apart and you want to move back closer to each other. Then take our advice: Stop and take a time-out. Carve out some time for two and begin to talk about your relationship. If you feel that your life is out of control and if you feel your marriage is headed down a one-way street the wrong way, you won't get turned around until you find some way to slow down and stop.

Look! Our next step was to take a serious look at our relationship. That morning over two cups of coffee we began to talk about our relationship and to focus on the positive memories. Our conversation drifted back to the time we met. We talked about our first date and about our certainty three weeks later that "this was it!" We found ourselves reliving a long-forgotten part of our lives.

As we focused on the positive memories, we were able to tackle the problems of the present. For the first time we took a good look at our marriage and talked through our relationship— where it appeared to be heading and where we wanted it to go.

Why not take a serious look at your own marriage? Look back and revisit your own memory lane. Talk about those things that attracted you to each other. What were the things you used to do for fun? Then look into the future. What do you want your relationship to look like when you graduate to the empty nest years?

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