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One of the best compliments my husband and I ever received was from friends who decided to get married based, in part, on our example. The four of us spent a lot of time together when they were dating and they saw us at our best and our worst. And it was our worst that clinched it for them. One evening, they told us, "You guys have shown us that it's possible to fight with someone you love."

Jim and I are known for our bickering. Our friends and family know that we argue about everything from how much garlic to put in the spaghetti sauce to the best way to pile leaves into a leaf bag. While all our petty arguing can be annoying to others, it's a big part of what makes our marriage work.

Before I met Jim, I dated a guy who brought out a nasty part of my personality, a part that enjoyed pushing people around. He was so passive that he let me make every decision. Eventually, I just got frustrated with him and pushed harder. That relationship taught me that I needed to marry a man who wouldn't let me tell him what to do, who would call me on my bossiness and stand up to my stubbornness.

So when Jim and I had our first argument after dating less than two weeks, I knew I'd met my match. He wasn't about to let me tell him what to do or accept all my sometimes illogical opinions as fact. Granted, there are plenty of times I wish he would roll over and let me have my way without a challenge, but deep down I know that our lay-it-out-there style of solving problems is right for us.

Most of our arguments are about little things. When it comes to major decisions, like buying a house or disciplining our kids, we almost always agree. But when it comes to the best way to load the dishwasher, we can't get through the conversation without a little bickering.

But our bickering has served a real purpose in our marriage. I'm not great at identifying and sharing my emotions. When I snap at Jim about something inconsequential, he knows something's up and treads lightly. He's learned that a few well-chosen questions about my day can diffuse whatever frustrations I'm feeling and bring my civil side back to the surface. In the same vein, I know that when Jim is short with me, it's because he's feeling stressed. If I read his signals, I can help him let go of whatever is bothering him and relax. Sometimes these little fights help us identify broader issues in our marriage that we might not see otherwise. Our bickering is a thermometer of how each of us, and our relationship, is doing.

In a weird way, our little arguments have also brought us closer. When we go for a few days of being snippy with each other, we eventually get a little sick of ourselves. When that happens, we tend to work together to break the pattern. Jim might take to donning his big rabbit-fur hat to diffuse a conversation that's growing tense (it's hard to be upset with a guy who looks like Elmer Fudd). We've even been known to sing our arguments to show tunes. (Try "There's no reason to be bossy; I'm just trying to cook!" sung to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business.")

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