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Once in awhile I scan the personals to see what singles are up to these days. The ads strike me as poignant attempts to describe oneself honestly while trying to snare the right partner. Thank goodness marrieds can move beyond all that. Or do we? Here’s what married personals might look like through the stages of married life.

First Anniversary
MWM seeks attractive female to share life with. Would like kids someday; for now wants someone to dream with and make love to as we set up our life together. Have energy and ambition—will surely make a difference in the world. Enjoy running, handball, and skiing. Like to watch sitcoms, esp. about singles, younger couples. Can enjoy chick flicks (with the right chick) but tend toward action and adventure. Faith very important, including church every Sunday, and weekly small group with mate.

MWF seeks handsome male to share life with. Would like kids someday, but for now want someone to dream with and make love to as we set up our life together. Have energy and compassion; hope to make a difference in someone’s life. Enjoy running, racquetball, and skiing. Like to watch sitcoms, esp. about singles, younger couples. Can enjoy action and adventure flicks (with the right guy) but tend to enjoy relationship movies. Faith very important, including church every Sunday, and weekly small group with mate.

Seventh Anniversary
MWM seeks affectionate female to share life with. Willing to help with kids, but really want someone to make love to, and not someone who is tired all the time. Have energy and ambition; starting to make a difference in the world. Enjoy jogging and racquetball. Like to watch sports, sitcoms, and evening news. Handyman, when I have time. Action and adventure movies and thriller novels. Faith very important, including church every Sunday, finance committee, and men’s breakfast—when I’m not traveling on business.

MWF seeks disciplined male to share life with. Need someone to help with the kids and around the house. Can make time for sex, but pretty tired most days. Energy in the mornings, but by night, bushed—need mate to come home on time and take over the kids. Hope I’m making a difference in our children’s lives. Enjoy aerobics class and occasional jogging. Like to watch sitcoms and news while I fold clothes. Like video series about parenting and marriage. Faith very important, including church every Sunday and teaching Sunday school for preschoolers.

Eighteenth Anniversary
MWM seeks vibrant female to share life with. Need someone to make me a priority. Don’t need someone who complains about lack of romance. (Why does making love have to be so complicated?) Work a priority: need space and support, since I’m this close to a major promotion. Enjoy jogging, fly fishing, and some golf. Like to watch CNN, ESPN, and PBS. Like movies with a little flesh in them. Faith is part of my life, but I simply can’t be in church every Sunday.

MWF seeks understanding male to share life with. Need someone who can make me a priority. Don’t need someone who gripes about lack of sex. (Why is listening to the details of my day so difficult?) Spend lots of time juggling kids’ schedules and getting them places. Need some time to myself and some emotional support, especially since I’m going back to work part time. Figure gone. Really out of shape. Don’t watch TV or movies, but I read lots of escape fiction. Faith pretty important, but my mind wanders a lot in church on Sundays. Exploring different ways to pray.

Twenty-Eighth Anniversary
MWM seeks forbearing female to share life with. Need someone who can be patient with self-centered, overweight, balding man, who doesn’t know where career is going. Want to listen, really listen, but not very good at it. Would like to make love, but only if feels right. Don’t work out much (knee injuries), but enjoy golf, fly-fishing. Sometimes moody and solitary, and often veg in front of the TV watching whatever is on. Lots of unfinished house projects to do. Really need forbearance and forgiveness but certainly don’t deserve it. Faith important, but I’m not getting much out of the young pastor’s sermons. Exploring different ways to pray.

MWF seeks mature male to share life with. Would enjoy a little romance, and someone to listen to me, but still enjoy sex when set in a romantic context. Having a blast with my second career, but guarding vacation days to be with kids—and grandkids! Do aerobics class and jogging with friends. Don’t watch much TV. Reading group discusses Oprah novels. Faith important, but I’m not getting much out of the young pastor’s sermons. Starting up a ministry to younger women.

Fortieth Anniversary
MWM seeks female to share life with. Want to visit kids and grandkids as much as they’ll have us. Want to spend time talking, really talking (a little love is fine as well). Try to pace myself these days. Enjoy long walks. TV a waste of time. The occasional action and adventure is fine, but really enjoy movies that explore relationships. Need someone who can help me get to the doctor and take my medicines—and, eventually, visit me in nursing home. Faith very important, including weekly worship, daily prayer with mate.

MWF seeks male to share life with. Want to visit kids and grandkids as much as they’ll have us. Want to spend time talking, really talking (a little love is fine as well). Try to pace myself these days. Enjoy long walks. TV a waste of time. The occasional romantic movie is okay, but finding I really enjoy action and adventure. Need someone who can help me get to the doctor and take my medicines—and, eventually, visit me in nursing home. Faith very important, including weekly worship, daily prayer with mate.

Mark Galli is managing editor of Christianity Today.

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