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Just because you're married doesn't mean you can't flirt—with each other. Flirting is a flattering way to remind your beloved of your constant affection. Try these suggestions and get the fun started.

1. Write a love story about how you met and get it printed and bound.
2. Whisper something romantic to your spouse in a crowded room.
3. Mail a love letter to your spouse at work.
4. Sketch your dream house together and talk about the possibilities for each room.
5. Put on your spouse's favorite romantic music and take her dancing around your candlelit living room.
6. Remember to look into your spouse's eyes when he tells you about his day.
7. Snuggle together on the sofa and reminisce through old photo albums.

From 100 Fun and Fabulous Ways to Flirt with Your Spouse. Text copyright © 2000 by Doug Fields. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR 97402. Used with permission.

The first time I looked into a mirror after I was wounded in Vietnam, I saw a monster. My face was covered with charred skin. My left eye seemed to bug out of its socket. The right half of my nose was gone, and my right eye was gray and lacked an eyelid.

I couldn't imagine that Brenda, my wife, could play beauty to the beast I had become. At Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, I spent four weeks in an intensive-care unit and another eight months in the burn ward. That's where Brenda first came to visit me. I waited for her arrival, wondering if she could accept me. I felt as though my whole identity, my life itself depended on the look on her face when she saw me.

Brenda walked straight up to my bed, paused at the chart and looked right at me. Showing not the slightest tremor of horror or shock, she bent down and kissed me on what was left of my face. "Welcome home, Davey. I love you." By using her term of endearment for me, she said, "You are my husband. You will always be my husband. You are still my man."

How could she look at a creature composed of inflammation and charred bone and yet act as though I were the man of her dreams come home? Only God could put it in a woman to love a man the way my wife did.

By Dave Roever and Harold Fickett, from The Couples' Devotional Bible (Zondervan).

Maybe it's time to stop trying. According to John Gottman, professor of family psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle, most of the things that you and your spouse are fighting about today will still cause blow-ups a decade from now. And it's no cause for alarm. His long-term studies of more than 670 couples showed that spouses don't resolve their issues because many of them are actually insoluble. "It's a myth that if you solve your problems, you'll automatically be happy," says Gottman. "Couples need to know that they may never solve most of their problems." Instead, he suggests, couples need to learn to "establish a dialogue" about the problems, learning to live with them as someone learns to live with a bad back. He says the key is to acknowledge your partner's limitations and push for some improvement, while still communicating acceptance. So next time that old argument starts, don't panic at its presence. Relax, and work with it—together.

Ever feel like you're being watched? According to the Barna Research team, you are. In one of their most encouraging studies over the last few years, they found that teenagers desire to get married and have just one spouse for their entire lives. In fact, more than four out of five teens (82%) say it's one of their top priorities for their future. So next time you spot teenage eyes on you, just know that your marriage makes a difference.

According to a National Restaurant Association's consumer study, Chinese, Thai, and Japanese foods are enjoying significant growths in popularity in America. If you've always wanted to dine Asian-style with confidence, learning to use chop sticks properly is key. So, order in and practice these easy steps with your sweetheart. You'll have hours of laughter at first, but you'll soon look forward to a new style date.

1. Separate sticks if they come together in a package. If there are wooden shreds on them, or they feel sharp in any way, you may want to clean them by rubbing one against the other at the narrow end. The narrow end is the portion you place into your mouth. At the wider end, you hold and control the sticks' movement.
   
   
2. Place one stick in the hand you eat with, wedging it between your thumb and pointer finger. Be sure the narrow end is away from you, closer to the table. Rest the stick on the inside of your ring finger.
   
   
3. With the first stick still in hand, place the second between your pointer finger and thumb, as though holding a pen. Practice moving this top stick up and down, while the bottom remains in place.
   
   
4. Enjoy! You can try every type of dish with your new skills, learning how to hold the sticks best. For rice, and other small pieces of food, hold the ends closer together, and lift food from underneath in small clusters. For soup, use your spoon. Ching Chih!
   
   

In the heat of marital battles, keeping your cool seems nearly impossible. But choosing and using the proper tactics will influence the health of your relationship in the long run. When you don't agree, try these steps to resolution and reaching out with the gift of mercy.

1. Count to ten before you open your mouth. Think, What effect will my words have?
   
   
2. Use I and we rather than you. Instead of saying, "You make me so mad," try, "When we're late to church, I feel as if we're saying worshipping together as a family isn't important."
   
   
3. Never say never or always. These words bring up the past and elevate emotion. Instead, focus on the immediate problem.
   
   
4. Confront wisely—and in love (Eph. 4:29). Don't confront in front of others—even when it's difficult to keep silent.
   
   
5. Love—and forebear. Remember that your spouse has faults—and so do you. But you married each other.
   
   
6. Forgive—then move on. Extend to your spouse the unconditional forgiveness that God extends to you.
   
   

by Anna Matthews, from 30 Days to a More Incredible Marriage, edited by Ramona Cramer Tucker (Tyndale). Used with permission.

MarriagePartnership.com Surveys:

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Visit our new online poll. Every other week at www.marriagepartnership.com, we'll be posting a new question—and we want to hear from you. After you've placed your vote, you'll see instant results. Then, you'll get to read about your answers in upcoming issues. See you there!

Why esteem your sweetheart only once a year? Along with Valentine's Day (February 14), try adopting some of these significant celebrations and multiply the special times. Remember, be creative!

From Chases's Calendar of Events (McGraw-Hill, 2002). Used with permission.

Nearly four out of ten married Americans admit to keeping a secret from their spouses, reports an August 2001 Reader's Digest study. And most of those secrets have nothing to do with affairs or fantasies. So what's worth keeping stifled? Price tags, of course. Of the partners with a secret, 48 percent say they didn't tell their spouses about the real price of something they'd bought. And the percentage of husbands keeping spending secrets was about the same as wives. But the survey didn't ask whether the purchases were for gifts. So next time hubby takes a vow of silence, try confronting him at the closet.

He who would the daughter win, must with the mother first begin.

Thomas Fuller

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.

Charles Dickens

Better to sit up all night than to go to bed with a dragon.

Jeremy Taylor

It is not marriage that fails; it is people that fail. All that marriage does is to show people up.

Harry Emerson Fosdick

Her book, The Power of a Praying Wife, prompted many to ask Stormie O'Martian, "When are you going to write a sequel—for husbands?" Her most recent work, The Power of a Praying Husband, is her response. Her relationship with her husband, Michael, and her extensive ministry to wives aided Stormie in writing the long-awaited book that teaches men how to pray effectively for their wives. Here's what Stormie shared with us.

What kind of power does a praying husband have?
When a wife knows her husband is praying for her, it transforms her. It changes her heart just to know that he's praying. And the book can also teach women about their own needs. Taking these to the Lord is the only way they can be met. When a wife watches her husband taking her needs to the Lord, it focuses the couple on their true source of strength. This undoubtedly solidifies their relationship, and gives them a new tool for handling life together.

Among many topics, you mention that a husband should pray for his wife's sexuality. What should he know about it, and how can he pray?
A woman's sexuality has to do with two things—how she feels about herself and how she feels about her husband. The way a woman feels about herself, her life, and how she's been treated by other men will all come into play with her sexuality. If there was disrespect, even if her husband wasn't the one to do it, it's going to affect the marriage. And if a woman doesn't feel attractive or doesn't feel sexy, it's difficult for her to act like she is. Feeling attractive and loved is what makes a woman want to share herself with her husband. When a husband prays, "God, show me how to make my wife feel loved and attractive," and, "Show me where I have hurt her or haven't made her feel good about herself," that can really make a difference, and it helps a husband understand the complexity of his wife's sexuality.

Are men interested in reading a book about praying for their wives?
Despite what I thought, and what many wives may think, when I asked men if they'd read a book about praying for their spouses if I wrote it, they assured me that they would. "I really want to pray for my wife," they'd tell me, "I just don't know where to begin." This book teaches a husband about his wife's deepest needs and how he can pray for them effectively. Even if some husbands aren't readers, a couple can agree to read it together. Then, after each chapter, the husband can pray the prayer over his wife. I'm convinced that if husbands do this, it will transform their marriages, making them more secure.

—Janine Petry

Want to stay consistent at exercising? Invite hubby's buds over and call your mother. According to a study done at Ohio State University, people tend to stick to an exercise program only if they have social support. The study found that of the 937 students studied, both sexes desire to improve themselves. But the techniques for staying consistent differ for men and women. For men, peer pressure is what motivates them to get to the gym and get pumping. But women look to their family members for the energy to exercise. So, if you're looking for ways to keep each other on track, start with a little family and friend time.

Love those coffee talks, but feel nervous about drinking more java? Don't think twice—grab a second mug. According to a recent study of female athletes from the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology University in Australia, drinking two cups of coffee can give you a short-term energy boost. Other studies find that two cups can be enough to relieve migraines and elevate mood. But too much caffeine has a dark side. It can deplete bones of calcium and make it harder to become pregnant. So stick to two cups of java, and enjoy each other twice as long.

Musician Steven Curtis Chapman, and wife, Mary Beth, have faced many challenges in their seventeen-year marriage. Becoming the parents of three children and adjusting to a busy musician's schedule, the Chapmans had overcome many challenges. Yet one of their biggest was still ahead. Making a decision to adopt their fourth child from China brought new struggles to their marriage and family. How did they deal with their trials and stay strong as a couple? Here's what they told us.

What were some of your biggest concerns about adopting?

Mary Beth: For me, the biggest barrier was that I didn't believe I was capable of giving enough love to a child who wasn't my own. I worried about how I would treat her compared to my other kids. I also wondered how the dynamics would affect our children and our family as a whole.

Steven Curtis: There were the hurdles of time and finances, too. But after we learned about how these can be overcome, we realized that they were the last reasons we should use for not adopting. After we took all the steps we needed to together, and they placed Shohanna in our arms, we felt sure that this was God's plan for us.

How did the adoption affect your marriage?

Steven Curtis: When we first got home, I felt a real sense of loss. I was missing my wife's attention and our time to connect, since so much of that was getting poured into this new, little person—even more than with our other children because of her history at an institution. We had to change a lot of our parenting patterns, too; we really had to work together. Those things drove us to realize our need for God's grace and our need for grace for each other.

Mary Beth: As a mother, it was easy for me to get in the parenting mode and neglect other issues. Once I was in the middle of everything, I realized that there were some things in our marriage relationship that just got put up on the shelf. After we recognized those, we took steps to help correct the problems. We tried to be more purposeful as far as spending time together and trying to get away. And we had a huge support system around us—people who helped with the children so we could have time together.

Did the adoption enhance your marriage in any ways?

Steven Curtis: I watched Mary Beth come alive in ways that I'd never seen before. I watched her move out in faith in an area where she was absolutely scared to death. But when we responded to God's call as a couple, God provided for our needs. It's been so exciting to watch my wife grow, and it's helped me to love her on a new, deeper level.

Mary Beth: In the end, the adoption really changed us. In our selfishness, we just said, "No." Our plate was full already: Steve has his traveling, our kids are grown, and we've got one looking at colleges. But God was opening doors and we had to choose to step through them. Once we did, we saw that he really had a plan for our marriage, and we watched him work in each of us, and in our family as well.

—Janine Petry

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