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The children were finally in bed, the house was quiet, the lights were low—and I was exhausted. Nevertheless, I could tell by the vibes I was getting from my husband, Robert, that sex was on his mind. Crawling into bed, I lay still, secretly hoping he'd just doze off.

In our early years of marriage, this scene was replayed several nights a week. We were both in our mid-twenties with two children and a third on the way. We were both working long hours—he at a high-pressure banking job and I in the trenches of stay-at-home motherhood.

After supper when we managed finally to get the kids in bed, the first thing on his weary mind was always the last thing on mine. When I tried to explain how tired I was, he'd feel rejected and I'd feel angry. Then we'd stay up half the night trying to reach a truce, usually through a multi-toned discussion that always resulted in hurt feelings for both of us.

One providential night, worn from the toll the frequent arguments were taking on our marriage, Robert asked, "What if we scheduled it?"

The suggestion took me by surprise. Can a married couple really schedule something as intimate as sex? Surely that would take all the romance and passion out of it. The more we talked about it, however, the more it sounded like a solution that would work for both of us. And when we put it into practice we discovered what a great solution it really was.

If a deficit in physical affection is causing more tension than bliss at your house, try these painless tips for scheduling sex.

or two. Decide together which nights are best, considering both your schedules and your children's. Most important, be realistic. At the time we devised our plan, for instance, I was employed part time and had to be at work by 7:30 every Monday morning. A mutual decision not to schedule sex on Sunday nights took the pressure off both of us, leaving us free to enjoy the evening. I wasn't stressed about staying up late with an early morning looming over me, and he wasn't anxious about when I'd ever be energetic enough for intimacy since it was already on the schedule.

Whether you're running a business or running a household, fatigue is inevitable. While making a reservation helps take the guessing game out of marital intimacy, chances are slim that you'll always be in the mood on scheduled nights. Lorraine Pintus, co-author of the book Intimate Issues, suggests that women should help themselves get into the mood by lighting candles or listening to special songs to trigger some of the senses in the body. "And when it's been a really tough day," she adds, "a woman shouldn't hesitate to call her husband at work and ask for a few hours to herself when he gets home, promising to make it worth his while later." Because you pamper everyone else, give yourself some replenishing time to pamper yourself.

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