Home > Marriage > Help & Healing > Back from the Brink: Could I Forgive His Emotional Affair?
Back from the Brink: Could I Forgive His Emotional Affair?
What do you do when you discover your husband has been seeing another woman? Read how one couple found healing for their hurting marriage
Elizabeth Walker | posted 9/30/2008
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Surprisingly, during those tortuous weeks, I was drawn to him. For the first time in our marriage, I knew my husband was fully open and truthful. I saw the real Colin, the Colin who loved Jesus, the Colin I'd prayed for. His vulnerability and repentance was something I had rare glimpses of in the past, but now was seeing the full picture, unadorned and raw. He stammered, "Even if you never touch me again, I won't leave you. I'm here. I'll wait for you."
The affair had started three years earlier with hot, buried anger. We had one child then and had discussed having another, but hadn't yet made the decision. One night we left caution to the wind, and I knew I was ovulating. When I got pregnant, Colin felt as if I'd tricked him and became filled with contempt.
Instead of talking it out, Colin let his resentment fester. He plunged into his job, which at times bordered on obsession. He worked long hours, often volunteering for overtime. I became demandingly needy and used guilt with abandon. In bed, I'd try to hold him, but he'd elbow me and roll over. I asked him what was wrong, but he refused to respond. Eventually I gave up. I discovered my husband wasn't going to fill my needs, so I immersed myself in prayer and a ladies' Bible study. Despite that realization, I still tried to change him in subtle ways, even asking other men in our church to talk to him.
His relationship with Gloria began innocently enough. They talked easily and their friendship developed into romance. They went out of their way to see each other. He left for work early to see her at her home. At work, they flirted, stealing kisses when no one was looking. They had private lunches together. She called him at home when I was at Bible study.
During that time, I watched helplessly as our marriage crumbled and suspected something was happening with Gloria. But when I'd bring her up in conversation, he'd adamantly tear her down, saying she was stupid and ugly. Since he was so negative about her, I surmised that his indifference toward me must be his obsession with his job. I believed him and prayed for Gloria. I even asked Colin to invite her to church because I knew she didn't know Christ.
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