Home > Marriage > Communication > Is a Little Space Such a Bad Thing?
Is a Little Space Such a Bad Thing?
How to take—and give—some "me" time
Vannetta Chapman
 1 of 3
As I dropped off my 13-year-old son, Cody, at the scout meeting, I said, "I'm going to miss you this weekend."
"Right, Mom."
"I'm serious."
"You're going to have the computer all to yourself. See ya." Cody reached out and mussed my hair, then picked up his bedroll and backpack, and headed off.
I paused to consider his words. He had a point. I'd have the computer—as well as the entire house—to myself this weekend. My husband, Bob, was at his parent's ranch clearing land and feeding cattle. Cody was camping. It was just me and the cats. Suddenly I felt gleeful—then guilty for feeling gleeful. I vacillated for about 15 minutes until eventually glee won.
Is it wrong to enjoy some time alone? Shouldn't I have felt lonely with two days in front of me and no one to feed or pick up after? And what about guilt? My poor husband would be eating cereal for breakfast since neither he nor his dad are great cooks—although he'd have been eating cereal even if he had stayed home; I'm not an early riser on weekends.
Something deep within reassured me it was okay to enjoy this weekend alone, that it was all right for my family members to have different interests, and that I didn't need to feel guilty about that.
Of course I know couples who do everything together. Just the other night my girlfriend Vicki told me about her Saturday.
"Rickey went with me to get my hair cut and then we had lunch at Hyde's," Vicki explained. She and Rickey have been married for nearly 30 years.
"Isn't that kind of weird?" I asked. "Wouldn't he rather be home doing something else? Or maybe getting his own hair cut?"
Vicki just smiled and shrugged. It works for them. Personally I can't imagine my husband at my haircutters. I can only imagine the look on his face if I asked if he'd want to join me there.
But is it really okay to want some time apart from your spouse?
The answer is a resounding yes. When couples dedicate themselves to allowing each other the space and outside interests they need, they have stronger marriages. According to Dr. James Dobson the one factor that's done more damage to families than any other is "fatigue and time pressure, which leaves every member of the family exhausted and harried." One way to avoid that trap of exhaustion is to allow each other some time alone.
Having "me" time enables you to re-energize and reconnect. That's really what we do when we rest and use our space smartly. We re-create the girls and boys we once were. We re-create our love for our family. We re-create
a love for life by taking the time to enjoy what God's given us—both together and separately.
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