Home > Marriage > Communication > Staying Connected When Your Spouse Is Away
Staying Connected When Your Spouse Is Away
How to make sure absence really does make your heart grow fonder.
Ellie Kay
 1 of 5
"Got your backpacks?" I shouted above the clamor of five children in the car as they prepared to go to school.
Yes!
"Lunches?"
Yes!
"Homework?"
Yes! And Um …
"Um? Did I hear an Um?" I glared at my seventh-grade son, Philip, "Go get it!"
He scrambled out of the car to get his homework. Meanwhile, the others fought over who got to talk to Dad first when he called that night from Nevada, where he was on military duty flying his Stealth F-117. I silently wondered how being assigned to Las Vegas constituted "serving your country." He'd be gone 30 days.
I began to back the Suburban out of the garage when I heard a sickening scrape of metal on metal.
"Mom! Stop!"
"You hit the garage door!"
Sure enough, it fell off the tracks and landed on the back of the car. "Who left the garage door partially open?" I asked. "The automatic door lifts it up all the way and someone purposefully stopped it before it was fully raised!"
Suddenly, the whole car became oddly quiet.
"Um … Mama?" Jonathan, our eight year old said. "Papa said that when the weather's hot like this we need to leave the garage door partly open. Since Papa's gone, I'm doing his job and I left it partly open."
Only 29 days to go.
Any spouse of a frequent traveler will tell you that it seems as soon as he leaves, children get sick, the washer breaks down, or a distracted mom will absentmindedly plow through a partially opened garage door. (We've purchased two garage doors in the past year.)
But the greatest challenge to frequent absences is how to keep our hearts connected when we're apart. Whether through long stints in the military or frequent overnight business trips, time away from home can lead to distance in a relationship if the couple doesn't proactively seek to keep their marriage protected.
For these couples, here are some ways to keep close—even when you're far away.
Before the Trip
Watch out for fireworks. Part of "Pre-separation" syndrome is that people begin to separate themselves emotionally for what lies ahead. Look for tensions to be high and be on guard for potential fireworks over little things. Simply being aware of these emotions and potential disagreements can go a long way toward diffusing the situation. Karen Evenson and her husband, who's traveled frequently for 15 years, would fight about the laundry before he'd leave on trips. "I'd get so angry because he'd throw his underwear anywhere but in the hamper!" Karen says. "We'd get into arguments about it and he'd leave the house on a sour note. Then I'd spend the time we were apart feeling guilty and miserable. I finally discovered where he puts his underwear really doesn't matter. And that discovery has made for better partings."
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