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What was happening here? Although everything was essentially the same, everything had changed. A spiritual rebirth occurred.

We don't want to be misleading. Of course, all marriages have their tensions and conflicts. Even good marriages—those operating with a positive spiritual dimension and fully engaging both spouses—won't be problem-free. But there's a definite before and after perspective in relationships to which God's been invited to be an active participant.

Jack, a young married man, confided in us about the weak condition of his marriage. He described the symptoms of their problems, all indicating the relationship was in need of a rebirth. When we told him he needed to let God bring his spiritual resources into their problem solving, he agreed; but he also expressed hesitancy.

"Sounds good," Jack responded. "I can understand on a cognitive level that spiritual intimacy with God would be good for our marriage. But I have a problem with what you're telling me. How do I access God into our lives? I've tried the traditional approaches. I read the Bible and don't get much out of it. I'm not good at prayer, especially in front of someone else, most of all my wife! To me, God's like this vast, lush, harvestable field. I'm thrown into the field and told to harvest, but I don't have a tool, a sickle, or anything. I'm hungry but I'm not able to eat."

Most of us can relate. It's difficult at times to know how to bring a spiritual interest and pattern into our marriages. So how do you access God in your marriage? How do you have a spiritual rebirth?

After we listened to Jack, we assigned him a faith exercise to help him develop spiritual intimacy in his marriage. We asked him to devote ten minutes a day to prayer for two weeks. Importantly, he'd pray in a different way: He'd pray without words, or "receptively," listening keenly to God's voice, hearing the promptings of encouragement and care from the Holy Spirit.

The next time we saw Jack we asked how it went.

He smiled. "I felt so uncomfortable at first. I couldn't imagine God would want to say anything good about me. But I think something's beginning to change in me. Though I can hardly put God's love into words—or describe what God might possibly love about me—I sit and receive."

We need to experience God's unconditional love, because someday we'll have to draw upon his supernatural love to minister to a spouse who's unlovable and unworthy. By definition, marriage is a commitment—a commitment to be the one, and maybe the only one, who loves a mate who's become unlovable, who perhaps embraces one who seems now repulsive. We'll need to know how to lavish God's love on a partner when our human love has run dry.

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