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But it wasn't until we realized how naïve we'd been—thinking that because we were Christians our marriage would be perfect—were we able to uncover the myths we'd bought into. While we realized many of these myths were well-meaning, they were destroying our marriage! After that weekend, Larry and I spent several years blasting these seven myths and uncovering the truth. Here's what we discovered.

In church I'd often hear that if I'd spend time with God every morning and study the Bible, my life and marriage would go well. So I started a daily quiet time, began memorizing Scripture, and joined a women's Bible study. I believed these "religious" acts would help my marriage be all I wanted. But when nothing changed and, in fact, things seemed to get worse, not only did I become disillusioned with our marriage, I also began to question my relationship with God.

This is the truth: Every couple goes through tough times—even Christians. Jesus clearly states that "in this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33). Does that mean it doesn't make any difference whether we read our Bibles and attend church? No. While God didn't take away those painful times, and he didn't always answer our prayers in the way we'd assumed, he used our trouble to focus and mature us through our prayers and Bible studies.

This belief left us feeling ashamed when we stood at the brink of divorce. We didn't think anyone would understand, so we waited to go for help until it was almost too late.

The truth is: Being a Christian doesn't guarantee you won't get divorced. Larry and I believed that because we were Christ-followers we'd live a fairy-tale life. Christian therapist Roy Austin calls this "magical thinking" and believes many Christian couples struggle with it. He says, "'Magical thinking' leaves couples less prepared for the rigors of marriage." This may explain why Christian pollster George Barna has found that the divorce rate among born-again Christians is now the same as for non-Christians. If Larry and I had understood this truth, we might have gone for help sooner. Today we are open and honest about our hard years when speaking to young married groups, which they've found both eye-opening and helpful. We just wish someone had told us this truth.

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