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Each time I brought it up, Bob said, "You're judging me. If I'm such a terrible person, so unworthy of you, why don't we just split up?" He continued to deny any sexual misconduct. But finally, he agreed to stop getting massages—"to make you feel better," he said.

Months later, I learned Bob had also been going to strip clubs. "It's just a thing men do," he insisted.

I'd heard of "lap dancing," where a mostly-unclad woman sits in a man's lap and gyrates, usually until the man experiences sexual release. I was repulsed by the idea of a strange woman pushing her bare breasts into my husband's face, bending over and performing all sorts of gymnastic feats before him.

How could my husband find these disgusting women enticing? How could he support such an industry with money that belonged to both of us? Why would he need to go to these places when he had me at home, longing to spend time with him, trying, unsuccessfully, to initiate sex? What was wrong with me?

While Bob denied having any physical contact with the dancers, I didn't believe him. And I was convinced the massages also involved sexual activity. As I saw it, he'd been unfaithful, multiple times, and with women who sold sex for money—prostitutes! I felt defiled, humiliated, betrayed, confused, and angry. Bob had lied to me, repeatedly. How could I ever trust him?

I couldn't talk about it with anyone besides my counselor, because I was so ashamed. I didn't feel free to discuss it with friends from church—or with my family, either. I felt utterly alone.

But God is gracious. He knew I'd reached the limit of my strength. Just when I was considering what had always been unthinkable to me—divorce—God threw me a lifeline. After months of praying for my marriage, Bob agreed to try a new men's Bible study at church.

One night, he came home from the study and reported that someone in the group, an elder in our church, had confessed he was a former pornography addict. For years this man had led a double life—husband, father, upstanding church member—and regular at porn shops and peep shows.

He said part of conquering his addiction had been changing his route to work so he didn't pass the places that tempted him. He'd also found an accountability partner and confessed his weakness to his wife.

His wife was a Sunday school teacher, a leader in our church. Finally! I thought. Someone who will understand what I'm going through!

I contacted her and we began to pray together regularly. We prayed for healing between my husband and me, and freedom from temptation for both our husbands. I felt better with this unexpected support, but I couldn't rid myself of the terrible pictures in my head.

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