Home > Marriage > Communication > Making a Connection
Making a Connection
7 doable ideas for couples on the run
Ramona Cramer Tucker | posted 9/30/2008
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Another couple sets aside five minutes each night before bed to tell each other "what I love about you." Even a tiny dose of appreciation reaps great rewards.
3. Talk your spouse's language.
Every person has a unique way he or she best feels loved, the way they understand and receive love. My favorite way, for instance, is when my husband, Jeff, listens to me. If Jeff wants to increase his intimacy with me, he knows the secret: Just let me talk, listen (without eye rolling), and you'll keep my heart. I know the way Jeff best feels loved too: Provide adventure, and allow me to take risks. That means saying a happy "yes" (without subtle guilt games for leaving me behind with a three-year-old) to his once-a-year ski retreat with the guys.
Other examples of giving or receiving love can be: "Provide for me financially," "Give me surprises," or "Write me a sentimental message." If you don't know your spouse's favorite way to feel loved, ask, "What makes you feel most loved? Most accepted? Most excited?" Then learn to speak that "language" and watch your spouse's eyes shine.
4. Dream together.
Never underestimate the power of a dream. Before you even met your spouse, you dreamed about the person you'd marry someday—and what your life together would be like. Why not talk about, and renew, those dreams together? For Kara and Cullen, one night a month is "Dream Night." They swap baby-sitting with a neighbor, cozy up to a blazing fire, eat their favorite hors d'oeuvres, and just dream together. Such nights have led them to a reorganized, heated, and artistic garage that has now become a year-round play area for neighborhood children. The rewards of dreaming together are huge—they provide not only some fun goals to shoot for, but a renewed passion for soul intimacy.
5. Adopt a vision!
To maintain an exciting "couple vision," look for a shared passion. For Zandrah and Dan, it was over caffe mocha at a coffeehouse on Valentine's Day when they realized they both longed to reach out to "unwanted" kids. Three months later, with the backing of friends and some of their coworkers, they launched a ministry to street kids. Today, seven years later, this shared passion continues to keep them close in heart.
6. Pray for—and with—each other.
The old adage is true: "The couple who prays together stays together." That's because prayer itself is such an intimate activity. When you pray not only for, but with someone, you're agreeing to make yourself vulnerable. As you and your spouse pray together, concerns may arise that otherwise could become big issues and cause division in your relationship down the road.
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